The Top 5 Reasons Many Christian Women Stay Single

I used to be so eager to get married.

Every date that I went on-I was so sure they were the “one” before I even knew their last name! As soon as a guy would ask me for my number, I was ready to give them my body. I was insecure, lonely, and lacking a relationship with God. Instead of seeking God for the love I wanted, I tried to find it in men and sex.

The truth is: I was hungrier for a man than I was for God. I may have said I loved God, but my actions didn’t prove so.

I wasn’t ready for a man back then. Sure, I was going to church. But, God cares about our lives more than our church attendance. And, my life was a wreck!

Although God has blessed me to now be with the man I will soon marry, I was once in danger of not receiving him, simply because of my disobedience. I don’t want you to make those mistakes so here are the top things you can do to avoid blocking your own blessing:

1) Be hungrier for God than Marriage– God is a jealous God. I know it’s natural to spend all day thinking about your new boo, but God is not pleased with a mindset that focuses more on another man than it does Him. Being quick to move your mind away from God shows Him that you want a man more than Him. It also shows that you become easily distracted. If your mind is off God during your single life, how can you expect to stay focused on Him during the difficulties of married life?

2) Let Go of the Baggage – Communication with past exes is a no no! How can God open a door for a new relationship when you are still peeping through the cracks of the old one? (Read my past blog on this)

3) Submit – Be honest with yourself. What is holding you back from completely trusting God? Sex is not the way to a man’s heart, God is. The Bible is clear-wait until marriage. We can’t expect God to bless us when we only obey the parts of the Bible that our convenient for us. He wants our total devotion, not only part of it. Where do you cast your cares? If you are quicker to pick up a glass of wine than your Bible, then you may need to rethink your priorities. Yes, Jesus drank wine. But, He didn’t use it as a stress reliever.

4) Seek God Before the Date and in the Date– Too many of us blame God for our bad relationships. Yet, we didn’t even ask His opinion before pursuing that man! Ignore what you can see-God knows the heart. Get your eyes off his shiny new car and business suit and ask that man if he’s saved!

5) Wait on God– Patience is not just a action, it’s a mindset and an act of endurance. God may want that man for you but it’s got to be on His time, not yours. What are you doing while waiting? This time should be spent getting to know Him better, not out in the clubs searching for your husband. Get in the Word, pray, and sit still. Don’t take matters into your own hands. There’s nothing you can do for yourself that God can’t do better. Please, just be patient. It’s more than worth the wait! (Picture and other blogs on this topic are below)

What are your thoughts on the Christian single life? Comment and share your thoughts!

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Jordonewrites@gmail.com

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Other blogs on this topic: 

 How to Be Abstinent, Jordone’s past battles with alcohol and sex, Jordone’s past battles with weed and sex, Attraction vs. Love: What’s the Difference?, Is it Worth a Relationship?: Here’s How to Tell..

Me and my Eddie! We’ve been in a relationship for about a year now and plan on getting married! I know I wouldn’t have received him if I was still stuck on my own ways. Ladies, let go of the little that’s in your hand so God can give you so much more. It’s worth it!

So, You Think All the Good Men Have Gone and You’re Ready to Find Better…Read This:

Pic Source: http://www.lostgraduatemagazine.com

Before my relationship with God, I can recall a point in my life where I felt like there was no hope in men!

I mean …I had experienced them all-the cheaters, the liars, the “down lowers,” and  the quick tempered!

If you name it, I had been through it!

I thought I had gone through about as much as I could take until even worse happened-I was raped.

After that, I was done! I was threw with men! I hated them! I remember telling myself I rather just be gay than to keep going through life trying to find a good man.

Thank God, I didn’t go through with that thought. Instead, I went to my bedroom, closed the door, fell on the ground, and poured out to God in tears.

I told him I was tired, that I was sick of trying to live life my way, and that I was ready to give Him my all.

Experiencing rape was the last straw for me. I didn’t decide to give up on men. But, I did decide that I needed to do some serious self-examination within myself.

Jordone, what do you mean self-examination? Are you blaming yourself for getting raped?

No, I’m not blaming myself at all. But, I do know that God was tugging on my heart long before the rape ever happened. It was my choice to ignore the call. Therefore, I had to accept the path God was trying to help me avoid.

Even though getting raped wasn’t my fault, it did help me see that there were some choices in my life I needed to change.

You see, we will always attract whatever we give off. The clothes we wear, the attitudes we have, and the opportunities we go after will all attract a certain man.

For me, my public life was spotless. But, my relationship with God was a wreck. I was going to church, but had no personal life with my Savior. I wasn’t obeying His commands. So, that’s the kind of men I would attract-the kind that could quote scriptures and said they loved God, but really didn’t.

There comes a point where we must examine ourselves. Our relationships with people will always directly reflect our relationships with God. Dating someone is a choice that we make. So, if we constantly find ourselves with the wrong people, we have to look back to the source-our relationships with God.

If we can honestly examine where we are with God, it’s easier to identify what the real problem is.

But, Jordone, my relationship with God is already good!

Yes, but are you trying to force a man into a season he doesn’t belong in? Don’t awaken love before it arises (Song of Solomon 8:4). You’ll constantly come up short and blame the men. Instead, examine yourself. Are you being patient? Wait on God. (Additional blogs and scriptures on this topic are below)

My book, I Believe in God, Now What?, reveals my past battles with alcohol abuse, drug addiction, and rape in an effort to help others find forgiveness, love, and healing in Christ. Read more about the book here.  

When you subscribe to my blog, you’ll get the first two chapters of my book absolutely FREE! Subscribing is free-just go to the top right hand side of the page.

Did you find this blog inspirational? Then please share so it can inspire others! You never know someone’s story-your help could save someone’s life. Thanks for your support!

Love,

Jordone

Jordonewrites@gmail.com

Did you find this blog helpful? Do you have a blog request? Just want to talk? Reach out to me:

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Other Blogs on this topic: 1) “How in the World Can I Be Abstinent in a World Full of Sex?”, 2) “Where is my Adam?,” 3) “Struggling with Discontent: When Is my Time?!” 

Additional Scriptures on this topic: Psalm 37:5: “Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass.”

Also see: Psalm 37: 7, Psalm 37:4 , Isaiah 41:29, Isaiah 41:31, Isaiah 54:5

 

 

Me and my Eddie. We’ve been in an abstinent Godly relationship for about a year now and we’re looking forward to marriage! I never would have got him if I didn’t learn to first examine myself and my relationship with God. Ladies, seek God first. Put your all in Him and His Word and all else will follow (paraphrased-Matthew 6:33)!

Common Misconceptions: Masturbation Isn’t a Sin

Pic Source: jeremiah.wordpress.com

I struggled with masturbation for the majority of my life. Even after giving my life to God, I still had trouble in this area.

The interesting thing is that I had no idea that what I was doing was “wrong.” I didn’t know there was anything bad about it because my church didn’t discuss the topic. The habit seemed to be common amongst other people, so I never even felt convicted.

Then, as I got closer to God, something just didn’t seem quite right about what I was doing. Even though my church never preached on the topic, I became uncomfortable with what I was doing. I didn’t need a preacher to tell me what I was doing was wrong. As I got closer to God, I just knew that my actions didn’t reflect what God wanted for my life.

As we inch closer in our walks with the Lord, we will naturally feel convicted when we live out of His will. Before God, I could easily go to church then come back home and please myself because I was living in my flesh. My relationship with God had no existence beyond the four walls of the church.

My decisions naturally reflected my personal time with God. I didn’t know what He perceived as wrong because I didn’t know Him, I only knew the world.

No, I never read “Thou shalt not masturbate” in the Bible. But, I don’t need to. My conscience did the talking for itself. I’ve already read numerous scriptures about the dangers of lust to know that God speaks about masturbation when He speaks about lust (Ephesians 5:3). When you masturbate, that’s a form of lust (an ungodly desire, impure thoughts, thoughts that don’t line up with God’s will, etc.).

It was naive of me to go with my own understanding of masturbation. How dare I say, “God doesn’t see masturbation as sin,” when I didn’t even know who He was! Church was my friend, but only on Sunday. That’s not enough time to truly understand God and know His perception of my life.

Jesus made a radical statement. He said that if someone looks lustfully at another person, they’ve committed adultery already in their heart. If Jesus called a lustful look sin, what do you think he would call masturbation (Matthew 5:28)?

What Satan won’t tell you is that there are repercussions to masturbation. Did you know masturbation can damage your organs and even keep you from being able to have normal sexual relations once married? There are some who have permanently jeopardized their chances of ever having children-simply because they couldn’t hold off until marriage and had to please themselves in those moments. I’m not trying to scare you. I’m trying to help you.

If you look at all the negative results of masturbation, how could you even think that God would be ok with it? Why would He want you to do something that could hinder your chances to produce life? It’s not worth it! Don’t listen to any doctor who tells you “masturbation is perfectly healthy!” That doctor won’t be there to defend you at the call of judgement. Who is your God? A doctor or Christ?

If this is an area that you are struggling with, there is hope and redemption in Christ. If I can get through it after over 20 years, then you can too! Check out these resources for additional help: Overcoming Porn and Masturbation, Secret Sins: Masturbation and Porn, and Virgin Lips: 7 Reasons Why I Waited to Kiss My Wife Until Our Wedding Day.

Most importantly, remember that guilt is not of God. The same devil who leads you to sin is the same one who will make you feel guilty and unworthy of God’s love. Don’t listen to him! Once you seek God’s repentance, meaning to actually turn away from the sin, your slate is wiped clean (2 Chronicles 7:14). His love is always available to you, no matter your past.

The key to letting go of masturbation is staying in God’s Word and continuously spending time with Him throughout the day. When you feel weak, your spirit can make you strong. This a battle we are in! Use your weapon-the Word of God!

Keep your amor of shield on by protecting yourself from sexual music and TV. I used to love bumping my Wacka Flocka, Lil’ Wayne, Beyonce, and Drake. I would even sing along to the parts that encouraged me to do things that God didn’t want. But, when I decided to become serious about God, I realized I couldn’t truly live for Him while still listening to music telling me to drop my panties. Don’t be fooled. No matter how many times they thank God at the Grammys, God is not in that music. Why would He produce music that goes against His Word? That would mean God is a hypocrite! And my Daddy ain’t no hypocrite-so I know that’s a lie!

At some point in time, you have to choose-you’re either all in for God or you’re not. There is no in between. If you need help, I’m here. We can pray together and talk this out. You’re not alone as long as you have Christ.

Additional Scriptures to help you: 1 Corinthians 10:31, Romans 14:23, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20.

My book I Believe in God, Now What? reveals my past battles with alcohol abuse, weed addiction, and rape in an effort to help others find forgiveness, love, and healing in Christ. Read more about the book here.  

When you subscribe to my blog, you’ll get the first two chapters of my book absolutely free! Subscribing is free-just go to the top right hand side of the page.

Did you find this blog inspirational? Then please share so it can inspire others! You never know someone’s story-your help could save someone’s life. Thanks for your support!

Love,

Jordone

Jordonewrites@gmail.com

Did you find this blog helpful? Do you have a blog request? Just want to talk? Reach out to me:

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How Can Your Father’s Absent Love Affect Your Future Relationships?

           My loving Father and I. This was taken my sophomore year

of college at my sister’s debutante ball. 

 

There are so many people who feel like their father’s love is missing from their lives.

 

Sometimes, it’s the parent’s fault. Other times, the parent tried their best, but the child still felt neglected. For me, it was the latter.

 

I grew up in a two-parent married household. Each of my parents worked extremely hard for my little sister and I. They loved us tremendously.

 

Still, being the ungrateful daughter that I was, I became very rebellious, irate, and resentful towards my parents, especially my father. Unable to recognize the love he was giving me, I spent many of my teen years lashing out at him, never truly finding the strength to forgive myself until my early twenties.

 

Although my father didn’t deserve that treatment, reminiscing on my past reactions has helped me to understand why my past relationships were always such a mess.

Being the lonely, insecure woman that I was, I settled so much. There was an absence of love that I felt from my father. Instead of seeking that love in God, I searched for it in relationships, men, and sex.

 

So, why am I telling you this?

 

Because I believe I’m not alone. I know that there are many young women and men out there who feel neglected or abused by their fathers. Please note, I am not saying that my father did either. But, if your present is like my past, then your relationships have always mirrored the love you feel you missed out on.

A child will always base their understanding of love according to the treatment their parent(s) give them. If that child doesn’t get the love they feel they deserve, they will naturally yearn to find it other places as they get older. Often times, this yearning becomes the fuel to have relationships, sex, and feel loved.

 

Here’s the problem with that:

 

If you are like me, not forgiving the wounds from your past, then you won’t be looking for a relationship for the right reasons. Your heart won’t be healed, so you’ll naturally settle for what you desire, instead of what you truly deserve. One relationship after the other, it will always seem as if something goes wrong or things just don’t work out.

 

You know why?

It’s because you are searching for healing in relationships. But, God is the only one who can close those empty voids.

 

Even though my past relationships were terrible, my current relationship is completely different. It’s an abstinent Godly relationship that I’ve had for about eight months now. One of the main reasons that the relationship is so different than my others is because I found healing in God.

 

Once I learned to become whole through the Lord, I was no longer looking for a relationship to replace what I felt I missed out on with my father. Instead, I was letting God do the searching for me. I became content with myself and let Him lead the way. God would have never opened the door for this relationship if I hadn’t learned to first forgive myself.

 

If you have a burden on your heart from your father, you have to let that go. You have to forgive. Otherwise, your relationships and marriage will always be a reflection of a healing that still needs to take place. Don’t be so quick to say, “Oh I know I’ve forgiven that man.” People hear words, but God knows the heart. Even if you think you’ve forgiven, go to God in prayer and ask Him. If you’re sure, then there’s no hurt in at least approaching Him with the question.

 

This blog can apply to either someone’s father or mother. It doesn’t matter the mistake or the level of neglect. If Jesus can lie on a wooden cross and still ask His Father to forgive those who nailed Him, then you can do the same for your parent. If you don’t, the only one you will truly hurt is yourself. You don’t have to do it by yourself, and you don’t have to expect the hurt to leave overnight. Ask God for help, be patient, and let Him lead the way.

My book I Believe in God, Now What? reveals my past battles with alcohol abuse, weed addiction, and rape in an effort to help others find forgiveness, love, and healing in Christ. Read more about the book here.  

When you subscribe to my blog, you’ll get the first two chapters of my book absolutely free! Subscribing is free-just go to the top right hand side of the page.

Did you find this blog inspirational? Then please share so it can inspire others! You never know someone’s story-your help could save someone’s life. Thanks for your support!

 

Love,

Jordone

Jordonewrites@gmail.com

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The Top 6 Ways to Tell if You Are Settling in Your Relationship

So, are you settling in your relationship or is it what you really want?

 

I’ll be the first one to tell you that I’ve settled.

 

Before my relationship with God, I was so lonely and insecure that I let guys walk in and out of my life like it was nothing. Things would end with one guy, and I’d be eager to start things with the next.

 

Sometimes, I wasn’t even attracted to these guys. I wanted attention. I wanted to cuddle. I wanted someone to hold me. I wanted to feel loved.

 

All along, what I really wanted was God.

 

You see, I spent so many of those years settling simply because I wasn’t whole inside. I didn’t know who I was in the Lord, and my choices in men reflected that mentality.

 

Even if you do have a parent, figure, or mentor who tells you your worth, they can’t take the place of what only God can do. There’s no one on this Earth who can teach you the depth of your value like the One who created you.

 

I didn’t know this. So, instead of searching for my worth in God, I scrambled trying to find it men. But, I always came up short.

 

If you aren’t right within yourself, a marriage or relationship won’t change that, it will only make the matter worse. You’ll forever settle until you you learn to find  your worth in God, not men.

 

So, how can you tell if you’re settling?

 

Well, for starters, are you actually attracted to the person you’re with? Or, are they just cute and fun to be around? Read my post on attraction vs. love to learn more about this.

 

I’ll be honest with you and say that a few of my exes that I settled for weren’t even cute and I didn’t even like them that much. I mean, if they ain’t cute and you’re with them, you should at least like them right?! My friends would look at me like I was crazy! But, in my head, it was better than being alone. So, I stuck with them until we broke up, they cheated on me, or some other mess caused the relationship to end.

 

Here are some other ways to tell if you’re settling. Note: I have been guilty of many of the following so have no shame. If God can bring me out of my insecure promiscuity, then He can do the same for you.

 

• You just broke up with someone and you’re just using your current boo/relationship to fill a void…let it go!
• You hate being alone on the weekends. The idea of doing something by yourself doesn’t sit well with you. Your current relationship fills that void and maybe gives you an orgasm or two, but there’s no fulfillment….leave it alone!
• You scurry to find a date or someone to buy you dinner for Friday night. You weren’t expecting it, but it’s turned into a relationship/‘chilling’…leave it alone!
• The guy you’re with is really into you, but you could care less about his phone calls. It just makes you feel good to say you have a boyfriend…leave it alone!
• The guy you’re with buys you nice things, takes you out, and gives you good sex. There’s no true connection but you don’t want to leave the treatment he gives you…leave it alone!

 

Now that I have finally found who I am in God and waited on God to bless me with someone, I can’t believe I used to spend so much time with worthless men and relationships. Now that I know my worth, I would never accept less than my true value. My current relationship is an abstinent Godly relationship. We both found God in our lives before we found each other. So, there’s no need to worry about whether either of us is settling because we’re both content within ourselves. We know who we are in God, so there’s no need to settle for less.

Not only are you doing yourself an injustice by settling, but you’re only holding yourself back from receiving the true blessings that God may have for you.

If you want the best, you’ve got to be willing to let go of what isn’t the best. Period.

PS- I’m starting a Jordonewrites Bible study challenge to spend 27 days straight with God to grow and learn from Him like never before!  I’ll be keeping you all updated on my own personal progress as well. Be sure to enter your email below to stay posted on the challenge. Challenge starts May 18! If you’re a latecomer, just start your 27 days immediately and then move forward. Read more about the challenge here. 

Studies show that if you make something a habit for a certain period of time, it’ll remain a habit. So, after the 27 days…don’t stop! Keep going! Get all God has for you!

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Other blogs on this topic: 

1.  6 Reasons to Let him Go After the First Date
2. How Do You Know if He Loves You?
3.  7 Ways to Prove You Love Your Man
4.  4 Ways to Tell He’ll Never Marry You
5. Is it Worth a Relationship? Or is it Just an Attraction?…Here’s How to Tell…

 

My boyfriend and I..I thank God I’m no longer settling. Instead, I chose God and let Him do the finding for me 🙂

 

 

Pinky Promise 2014…A Life Changing Experience

Cornelius Lindsey, myself, and Heather Lindsey, after I got my book signed by Heather. Check out her book Pink Lips and Empty Hearts. 

It’s amazing to go back to the place you were when God delivered you from all of your mess.

 

This past weekend, I travelled to Atlanta, GA for the annual Pinky Promise Conference. I hadn’t been to the city since re-dedicating my life to God. Almost immediately after setting foot in the downtown area, I was reminded of how far God had brought me.

 

The height of my sin, the alcohol abuse, the fornication, the weed addiction, and the lust had all been at its peak during my college years of Spelman in Atlanta. I was such a lonely, insecure, young lady looking for love in all the wrong places. I had no idea about living for God, let alone joining a group like Pinky Promise.

 

Little did I know that God would change my world after my college graduation. After experiencing a traumatic date rape experience, I had finally had enough of living my own ways. I was ready to give God a chance at having my life.

 

Kneeling on my bedroom floor, I told God I was ready to give my all to Him. I was ready to give Him my sex, my weed, my alcohol use, and all the men I used to fill the lonely voids in my heart.

 

1 year later, a friend told me about Pinky Promise, a non-profit organization dedicated to encouraging women to give their lives and bodies to God. The founder, Heather Lindsey, is one of the most humble and genuine people I have ever met.

 

Like myself, Heather once used men and relationships to fill the voids that only God can. She even found herself in relationships that were mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive. Ready to make a change, she decided to get out of her mess and turn to God. Not too long afterwards, she started Pinky Promise.

 

Standing outside the conference room, I looked around at the thousands of women ready to totally submit to God. Looking at them, all I could think was, “Wow, look at what has happened from one woman’s obedience to God’s commands.”

 

You never know the blessing that is behind your obedience. If you are struggling in an area that God is trying to pull you away from, let go. Your life is not just about you, it’s about someone else that you are assigned to inspire and minister to.

If Heather hadn’t submitted, there would be no Pinky Promise, and who knows where all those young ladies would be.

 

Imagine where we would all be if we would just trust God and let go. One of the greatest feelings I get from writing these blogs is seeing the e-mails and messages from all of you telling me how inspired you are to live for God and stay abstinent. However, if I hadn’t let go of my own ways, none of this would be possible.

 

At some point in time, you have to realize that the blessing behind your faith is more powerful than the temptation itself. When you suffer for God, it’s never in vain. You will always get so much more than your suffering is worth. God has so much for you, He’s just waiting for your obedience to reach the level of His giving. (See pics from this weekend below)

My book I Believe in God, Now What? reveals my past battles with alcohol abuse, weed addiction, and rape in an effort to help others find forgiveness, love, and healing in Christ. Read more about the book here.  

When you subscribe to my blog, you’ll get the first two chapters of my book absolutely free! Subscribing is free-just go to the top right hand side of the page.

Did you find this blog inspirational? Then please share so it can inspire others! You never know someone’s story-your help could save someone’s life. Thanks for your support!

 

Love,

Jordone

Jordonewrites@gmail.com

Did you find this blog helpful? Do you have a blog request? Just want to talk? Reach out to me:

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Thousands of ladies praising God during the Pinky Promise worship service 

Pics of my sisters in Christ and I from this weekend…..

Love this lady! She has a true heart for God! 🙂

Drunk in Love?

Source: www.musicboxmix.net 

When I was in the world I would have quite a bit of drunk sex. Lots of it and relentlessly.

 

I was already very sexual in the world and spent most of my teen years using sex as a way to mask my insecurities. So, when I got to college and let peer pressure talk me into alcohol use, the sex only got heavier.

 

When I was intoxicated, I wasn’t thinking about my insecurities or fears. The alcohol gave me a false sense of security in who I thought I was or, rather, what I was trying to be. Of course, that confidence always faded away once the morning came. That’s the thing about using drinking or alcohol as a stress reliever. You can drink all you want, but when the buzz is gone the problems are still there.

 

Anyway, as my confidence level would rise from the alcohol, so would my desire to have sex. Usually, this landed me in a lot of trouble because I would find myself in bed with some guy who really didn’t care about me. Since what I really wanted was love, I would always try to make something more of these sexual encounters but, of course, it would never work.

 

All along, I had no idea that what I was truly yearning for was love in God. I was using alcohol and partying to cover a low self-esteem that only He could cure. Even worse, I was hoping that the men I would have sex with would love me in a way that only He could provide.

 

I learned quickly that sex isn’t something to toy with. I had to learn the hard way but I’m thankful that I learned when I did.

 

Although I don’t listen to Beyonce’s music anymore, I’m aware that she recently came out with a song about drunk sex. When I think about all the mistakes and heartache that came with that life I used to live, it hurts me that an artist would pollute the minds of our youth and people simply to stay on the charts.

 

No matter what song you hear or how many movies you watch, drunk sex is nothing to embrace or joke about.

 

Think about the level of comfort you must have in order to freely take off your clothes with someone. Why would you want to expose yourself on that level while blinded by drunkedness?

 

Your body is valued and precious. It shouldn’t just be given to a fling who had a few bottles to drink or anyone who isn’t your spouse. You are worth more than that. We all are. I’m speaking from experience.

 

Wait until a person has proven they know your worth by marrying you. Then, give them the permission and honor of seeing your body.

 

Now that I’ve made the decision to wait for sex until marriage, I understand why God tells us to wait. It’s not to hinder us, it’s to protect us.

 

Some may say, “well, why would God give me these desires if I can’t act out on them.” The ability to fight temptation with the person you are courting makes you stronger. You learn to put aside your desires for the sake of what’s best for the relationship, instead of what the individual wants.

 

I wish I never put myself in such dangerous situations as to be intoxicated and let my desires get the best of me. However, I’m glad that I went through it for one reason. Now that God has blessed me to understand better, I can have hope that my testimony will inspire someone out there to make a change. Don’t let the world tell you how or when sex is okay to have. The world won’t be there when the consequences get heavy and your heart is broken. Focus on what God is saying. He created sex, so He knows what’s best for it.

 

Do you agree that mainstream music has the ability to influence us? Do you have any stories to share about this blog? I’d love to hear you thoughts. Tweet Follow @JordoneWrites, email me, or comment below.

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I love you,

Jordone

Jordone.Branch@yahoo.com

My inspirational book will be released in 2014. The book will share personal stories about my life’s struggles in an effort to encourage others to grow deeper in God as they conquer pain, hurt, and unforgiveness through Christ. Read more about the book here. 

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Check out my writing about my experience with the Peace Corps Morocco, Africa program. If you would like to work with me as a writer, guest, or speaker feel free to contact me via email.

 

Love vs. Attraction …How I Conquered Lust

I used to have a huge misconception of what it meant to be loved.

Instead of looking for love in God, I was hoping to find it in men, sex, and friends. Low self-esteem left me longing for the chance to be accepted, even if it meant settling. All along, what I was really searching for was love in God.

Since I was substituting boyfriends and sex for the true love of God, I always came up short. My insecurities, my pain, and my hurt only deepened as I moved further away from God and closer to my own way of dealing with my bottled up despair.

 

Each time I was disappointed, it became clearer that God was trying to send me signs to come to Him instead of humans, but I just wouldn’t listen.

Whenever we choose not to conduct our lives in God’s way, our disobedience can hinder us from receiving His blessings. So, since I wasn’t in line with God’s will for my life, I wasn’t dating the ‘gem’ He knew I was worthy of having.

In my case, I was choosing to settle for the mediocre attraction of a fling, instead of patiently growing in God until He sent me the man I could truly know how to love.

The current relationship that I’m in is completely unlike my past relationships because our focus is on our love for each other, not our attractions. We do things God’s way and I truly see the difference. God tells us to wait for sex for a reason. It’s for our protection. Sex can blind your perception of reality. It can also change the focus of the relationship from love to lust.

Before my boyfriend and I get married, I’m confident that I’ll be one hundred percent sure that he’s the one because my vision will be clear on who he is, not what his body can do for me. Also, the time we choose not to have sex allots us more time to get to know each other, something we’ll really appreciate when we are married and have to work things out together.

 

God had and still has high standards for me. The boyfriend he has blessed me with loves God with all of his heart. Because of his genuine love for God, everything else about our relationship just falls together. Most of all, he knows the difference between attraction and love.

Attraction is a feeling. On the other hand, love is an action, a verb. Love is something you do, not something you feel. You prove love through your actions. So, when my boyfriend tells me he loves me, he knows to prove it with his actions, not by his words.

Now that I understand the difference between attraction and love, I can freely love in a mature way. I’m not expecting my boyfriend to heal my loneliness or insecurities because all of that has already been taken care of by God.

I’m also not expecting my boyfriend to provide me with a love that only God can give. My boyfriend can love me, he can be attracted to me, but he can’t heal me. That had to be dealt with before we got together. Otherwise, I would always find myself unsatisfied.

 

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

 

I appreciate that God didn’t bless me with my gem until I understood the difference between attraction and love. I have feelings for my boyfriend, so I’m attracted to him. When he does something I don’t like, I love him, because that’s what love is. It’s not being kind or patient to someone when it feels good to do so, it’s loving that person back even when they don’t deserve it. That’s the other great part about waiting to have sex, you learn to do what’s best for the relationship, instead of what feels good to the individual. In a sense, you learn to sacrifice your desires for what’s best for the both of you.

I expect my boyfriend to make mistakes, because He’s not perfect, only God is. So, now that I know how perfect God is, I can stop placing such high expectations on imperfect people. That way, when they disappoint me, it’s easy to love, not because it always feels good, but because God loved me first when I didn’t deserve it. If my attraction were my motive to love, I would only love when I felt like doing so. I no longer love based on how I feel, I love based on what I know. If this blog inspired you, please click the share button below to inspire someone else.

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Love,

Jordonewrites@gmail.com

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Other blogs on this topic: 

1) Six Reasons to Let Him Go After the First Date

2) Honey, Your Vagina is Not Your Worth 

3) Why Won’t God Send You a Husband? 

4) The Top 5 Reasons Many Christian Women Stay Single