Beware: The Sugar Daddy Syndrome

There’s an epidemic going around that scientists are calling “SDS,” also known as “The Sugar Daddy Syndrome.”

Symptoms include the following: expecting a man to take care of you financially, expecting a man to take care of you emotionally, and expecting a man to heal your past insecurities and pain.

There is one known cure for this all too familiar disease: Jesus.

It’s unfortunate that the “sugar daddy syndrome” has not only become the norm, but it’s being embraced. Popular faces throughout the Real Housewives, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and Basketball Wives, make you think this life is glamorous, but it’s not. It’s sad. The only difference between everyday women with sugar daddies and famous women with sugar daddies is the fame. Famous or not, these women all have the same hurt, the same insecurities, and the same pitiful dependency on a man to save their day.

Girls today are quicker to say, “I want me a baller” than “I want a man who loves the Lord.” I actually had a young girl tell me that she rather have money than to be happy. This girl was no more than 15 years old. She had barely reached puberty and already had a set idea that money had more value than her self-worth!

Where did she get such a thought? Are we doing everything we can to let our young girls know where their worth truly comes from?

If we don’t get our value from Jesus, then we’ll depend on the world to tell us who we are and what we’re worth. We’ll settle for men who really don’t deserve our time and we’ll sacrifice Godly principles for the sake of not being alone and feeling taken care of.

I used to be the queen of this lifestyle. I loved the idea of having a boyfriend and having someone to take care of my emotional needs. I expected to be taken out, not because I enjoyed eating out and knew I was worth it, but because I used him taking me out to define my worth. I wasn’t whole, so I expected the men I dated to make me whole. But, because God was never in those relationships, they never worked out. I was always left unfulfilled and heart broken.

The modern day sugar daddy is no longer limited to an older man. Heck, a sugar daddy doesn’t even have to be rich! A sugar daddy is any and every man you allow to run through your life thinking he can make you complete. You don’t know God for yourself and instead of finding your worth in Him, you hope a man can take care of your every need. But, he can’t. He wasn’t designed to be your all. Only God can do that.

God made you and your sugar daddy. He knows what’s best for you. He knows that man’s heart can’t give you what you need if he doesn’t even know his own Maker. You are so mesmerized at the idea of having someone to listen to how you feel that you never even stopped to ask the guy if he was saved. That man can’t even give you part of what you’re worth unless he knows the One Who made you.

So stop settling. Stop running from God. Attention, affection, and nice things may cover up your insecurities, but they’ll never get rid of them. Men and nice clothes can’t hide true character. Until you get your relationship with God right, your life will always reflect how you truly feel about yourself on the inside.

The interesting thing about sugar daddy relationships is that the man is usually just as insecure as the woman. That man is just as lonely and lacking just as much of a relationship with God as she is. They are both incomplete and hoping to find totality in each other. Neither get what they’re truly looking for because the fulfillment they each desire can’t be found in each other, it can only be found in God.

The sugar daddy may not admit it but deep down he recognizes she’s not with him for the love. But he doesn’t care enough about himself to leave. He’s in the relationship for the same reason she is: security.

“SDS” is not about love. It’s about compromise. Each person compromises their true value for the sake of temporary satisfaction. They are each worth so much more but don’t know it because they don’t know Who they are in God.

We need to stop glamorizing this life and start calling it what it really is: settling.

If you or someone you know is suffering from “SDS,” I want to let you know that God has so much better for you. But, you’ve got to be willing to let go and trust Him. Don’t you want the relationship you’re truly worth? Then be encouraged and learn to find your identity in Him. It’s not your man’s job to take care of you or to heal you. It’s your man’s job to love you. But, if you don’t know who you are, you’ll never be able to truly accept, recognize, or appreciate the love that you’re worth having.  Let go. You can do it! Just trust God. It’s that simple. He won’t let you down. I’m here to encourage you! Message or comment below if you need me! As always, please share the love of this post with someone else

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Love,

Jordonewrites@gmail.com

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Other blogs on this topic: 

1) Why Won’t God Send You a Husband?

2) Attraction vs. Love..What’s the Difference?

3) The Top 5 Reasons Many Christian Women Stay Single

4) The Top 6 Ways to Tell if You’re Settling in Your Relationship

5) Why Does Love Hurt?: Abusive Relationships

“I don’t want a Relationship…Let’s Just ‘Chill’”…Here’s the Truth About Statements Like that…

“I don’t want a Relationship…Let’s Just ‘Chill’…”

 

Man, if I could count the number of times I heard a guy tell me a statement like that. We would like each other, have sex, and I would hope he would desire a relationship with me. Of course, it never worked out this way.

 

Like so many others, I desired the comfort of a relationship, but because I wasn’t going about it God’s way, it never worked out. The world’s way of relationships is to have sex, then get to know each other, chill (hanging out with no purpose or no intention to marry), and maybe somewhere down the line get into a relationship. God’s way of a relationship is the complete opposite.

 

When you are in a Godly relationship, you aren’t just dating just to date. You realize your time is worth more than just getting a free meal on a Friday night. You are courting with the idea that you two could possibly marry each other. You don’t have sex, because you understand that not having sex before marriage teaches you to sacrifice the desires of the self for what’s better for the relationship. It also teaches you how to have patience for one another. Although God’s way of having a relationship requires patience and trust in Him, anytime you commit to something the way God’s Word instructs, you will always have His favor and honor.

 

The truth about ‘chilling’ is that it’s another way for a man to say, “I’m not interested in a relationship with you.” He wants your time, your body, your vagina, and even your heart, but he’s unwilling to give you a commitment. Unfortunately, there are so many relationships like this. Like I once did, girls are settling everyday to the idea of ‘chilling’ instead of receiving what they are really worth.

 

I was once the biggest settler of them all. I was insecure, lonely, and had no relationship with God. I wanted a man around because it made me feel good. I made an idol out of men because I was looking for them to fill my voids instead of God. But, since my life was not right with God, my relationships always reflected that.

 

Do you want to know something? I had to learn this the hard way but I now know that the real man that God has for you would never settle for just ‘chilling’ with you. There is a guy who will know the moment he lays eyes on you that you could potentially be his wife. However, he won’t be the one who just wants your body, but doesn’t want to give you a commitment.

 

I can recall the moment my current boyfriend and I first confessed our feelings for each other. I originally told him that, although I liked him, I don’t think it’s going to work out because I was living under the false assumption that the Lord wanted me to be with someone else. Do you know what his reply was? He said, “whatever it takes, I’m going to wait on you.”

 

I was blown away by his response. Out of all the years before God that I accepted ‘chilling,’  I had never had a guy that not only wanted a genuine commitment, but was willing to wait at whatever precautions it took.

 

Today, we are 7 months happily courting in a Godly relationship. We aren’t ‘chilling,’ we know we want to marry each other. We aren’t together just to fill each other’s voids or loneliness. And, most importantly, we aren’t wasting each other’s time.

My boyfriend and I enjoying some time at the lake last weekend. I’m so thankful the Lord taught me to get out of my mess before He blessed me with my one day husband. Check out his Godly blog here: www.eddiemassey.com or tweet him @eddiemasseyiii

 

I knew I would have never received my current boyfriend if I was still in the mindset of accepting having sex and ‘chilling’. I learned that if I wanted a Godly man who follows the Word and yearns after me, I was going to have show God that I can be that Godly woman too.

 

You are worth so much more than ‘chilling.’ You are worth the commitment. You are worth the wait. Trust me, God has so much for you. If you are in this situation, I pray that you let go of the little you have and open your hand for God to give you so much more. I love you. Have you ever experienced a similar situation? Tell me about it in the comment section below. Then, share this post to inspire another sister in need of encouragement.

Want to be prepared for your Godly husband and learn more about how God removed addiction, depression, and sex out of my single life?…

…Then get my FREE book sample…My book, I Believe in God, Now What?, shares my many battles with men, relationships, sex, and dating to help deepen your relationship with God. This book is sure to help you realize your true value in Christ and stop accepting less than you are worth. 

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Love,

Jordonewrites@gmail.com

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Other blogs on this topic: 

1) Six Reasons to Let Him Go After the First Date

2) Honey, Your Vagina is Not Your Worth 

3) Why Won’t God Send You a Husband? 

4) The Top 5 Reasons Many Christian Women Stay Single

5) Is it Worth a Relationship…Or is it Just an Attraction?…Here’s How to Tell…