How to Deal with Church Hurt

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Have you ever felt hurt by a member of your church?

Maybe a joke was said about you that hit you below the belt. Or, possibly you felt unappreciated for your hard work and dedication to the ministry. You may also have had a break up or bad relationship with a church member. Or, even worse, you may have experienced rape or sexual assault in the church.

If any of the above apply to you, I can relate to your experience.

When I was no older than 10 years old, a much older church member told me to come over to his car to get some candy after church. (This was a different church than the one I attend now). I will never forget what happened next: he stuck his tongue in my mouth and tried kissing me! Being young, I didn’t quite understand what he was doing but I knew it was wrong. Thankfully, it went no further than that.

By God’s grace, I never turned away from God because of that situation. But, there are many instances in which people are turning away from the church because of something a church member has done to them. When faced with any type of church hurt, it’s important to remember the following:

1) Don’t Blame God – It’s not God’s fault that man stuck his tongue in my mouth and it’s not God’s fault that any church member took advantage of you. If you let Satan’s deceptive ways turn you away from God, you’re giving the situation power over your life. If God has called you to be in a certain ministry, stay there. Use instances of ungodliness to be an intercessor of prayer. What if God wants to use your church hurt to inspire others? The devil may have won the battle, but he doesn’t have to win the war.

2) Forgive – God commands us to forgive immediately. Recovering from the hurt may take time, but the process towards healing can’t even begin until you forgive.

3) Satan Ain’t Stupid – The devil knows which church will allow you to grow most in God. He can recognize when you’re getting closer to the Father. He also knows which church members can best help you with your walk with Christ. It’s no coincidence that problems and discord arise in an area of your life where God is present. Satan isn’t happy about the idea of you drawing closer to God so expect the attacks to come. Remember: through the Holy Spirit you have power over anything Satan can throw at you.

4) Exercise Discernment – There may be times in our lives when God is commanding us to change churches. Other times, it’s the devil who doesn’t want us to get what God has for us. Ask God for wisdom to know which is which. Having a relationship with God will help you determine which attacks are signs from God and which are simply obstacles from the devil. If you don’t have a relationship with God, then use your church hurt as an opportunity to grow in Him, not stray the other way.

5) Be Selfless – Take yourself out of the situation and remember that anytime God places you in a church, or any environment, it’s always for purposes greater than yourself. Don’t just think of church as a time to grow in God for yourself. Remember: there are other people in your community who need the Word you are getting too. Anytime you leave somewhere God has called you to be, it doesn’t just affect you, it affects the whole body of Christ.

7)People are Imperfect – Everyone, including pastors, have fallen short of the glory of God. Regardless if your church hurt was intentional, unintentional, or an honest mistake, pray for the person and move on. Don’t let that hurt keep you from receiving the Word of God.

8) God isn’t in every church – It’s harsh but true. The Bible warns us that there will be false prophets and teachers. So, there are many church leaders who have started churches that God isn’t even a part of. Consequently, confusion, hurt, and disorder arises. People look at churches like this and blame God, but God is nowhere in that mess. You’ll always recognize a tree by the type of fruit it grows. Regardless of whether God is in your church or not, be assured that He is NOT in your church hurt. God is not the author of hurt, but love.

Above all else, remember we should go to church for God, not people. Regardless if you are experiencing church members who are for you or against you, don’t lose faith in where God has you growing. If your focus is on God, then the actions of others shouldn’t matter.

FREE GIVEAWAY: Get more inspirational Godly advice from the first two chapters of my book-absolutely FREE! Just subscribe to my blog! Subscribing is free and will give you instant access to all my posts! Subscribe now at the top right-hand side of the page. Read more about my book here.  

What have you done to overcome church hurt? Comment, share your thoughts, and share this post to help others (just click the links below)!

I love you,

Jordone

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Feeling Like God Hates You? Read This:

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Have you ever felt like God hates you?

“Why me? What am I doing wrong?” you might ask yourself

We’ve all been there, myself included. Just last week, I went through an instance at my job where I felt belittled. In my emotions, I allowed my thoughts to turn away from God.

“Why would you let me go through this?” I asked God. “Are you still near me?”

Thankfully, I turned my thoughts in a positive direction as I began to praise God and pray about the situation.

Your situation may be more intense compared to mine. You may be battling a divorce, job loss, a disease, a marriage, a relationship, death of a loved one, rape, abuse or molestation.

I’ve been there too. After getting raped two years ago, I blamed God and myself. I went through moments where I was so sure that God had forgotten about me.

But, He didn’t forget about me. And, regardless of your situation, He hasn’t forgotten about you either. God is always near His children. Even in our most difficult circumstances, His motive is still love, not hate. He is your creator, your Father, your Daddy, and your Protector-how could He hate you?

In the midst of your struggles, it’s most important to remember the following:

1) Are you saved? – If God doesn’t have your life, how can you blame Him for your problems? He can only takeover what He owns. God didn’t have my life when I was raped. So the people I surrounded myself with led my life down that path. It wasn’t my fault and it wasn’t God’s either. If He doesn’t own you, then your life is your own, not His. If you want Him to have your burdens, then you must give Him your life first by accepting His Son. Salvation is open to all of us.  Click here for the prayer of salvation.

2) Trials of Disobedience vs. Trials of Growth – There are times when we face trials because God needs us to grow in certain areas of our lives before moving us to the next level. There are other times that we face trials because we have stepped outside of God’s will. God never desires us to suffer which is why He gives us commands. He knows what’s down the path that’s not His. If we choose to step outside of His Word, alternate situations other than what He desires for us will naturally follow. It’s all about having faith in Him to make the right decision. The choice is ours to make.

3) Don’t Blame God – God is a God of love, not confusion or hate. If your in God’s will, your difficulties are there to mold you into greatness. Do you think President Obama never faces trials just because he lives in the White House? No! If anything, the President faces more trials because He is the President. Great callings cause for great amounts of patience. He’s got to prepare you for where you’re going!

4) Praise Him – You will watch a change in your situation occur when you just praise God through what you’re going through! I’m a living witness! Praising God through times of difficulty shows Him you won’t leave Him during times of richness. You’re learning to completely dedicate yourself to Him regardless of your circumstances.

5) Growth – You can either come out of this battle stronger or weaker. If you let the battle defeat you, that’s your choice. But, you can also choose to make it a time of growth. Imagine having a sense of peace where nothing bothers you! I know a lady like this at my church. Even through her mother’s death, she was smiling and praising God. She came out stronger and richer. Imagine having that kind of strength! Well, actually, you can have that kind of strength. The Holy Spirit that gives her strength is no different than the Holy Spirit in you. It’s up to the individual to exercise the God that’s in them.

6) Don’t Look Back. Keep moving forward. – Sometimes the enemy will use struggles to bring us back to our old ways. For example, when I’m in times of difficulty, the enemy loves to send images of wine my way because he knows I once struggled with abusive drinking (read about that here). Once you are saved and repent for your past, God is no longer looking at what’s behind you. Stay focused on what’s ahead. You can’t help what’s happened, but you can change what’s coming ahead. (Other blogs on this topic are below)

FREE GIVEAWAY: Get more inspirational Godly advice from the first two chapters of my book-absolutely FREE! Just subscribe to my blog! Subscribing is free and will give you instant access to all my posts! Subscribe now at the top right-hand side of the page. Read more about my book here.  

What do you do to cope in times of difficulty? Comment, share your thoughts, and share this post to help others (just click the links below)!

I love you,

Jordone

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Other Blogs on This Topic: How Jordone Overcame Depression, How Jordone Overcame Suicidal Thoughts

 

6 Reasons to Let Him Go After the First Date

It’s no secret that my single life was a wreck before God!

I was hopping from one date to the other, desperate for men to heal my wounds and insecurities.

So many times, those dates would turn into months of confusion where I would wonder, “Wait, what exactly are we doing? Where is this going?” Or, the date and I would end up in a relationship but I would soon find out that he was a liar, cheater, or was just playing with my heart.

After getting closer to God, I soon found out why my dates would turn into disastrous relationships with blurry titles: I never consulted God first.

I never asked God, “Lord, what do you think about this man?” I was led by my own desires. So often we run into bad relationships and blame God. Yet, God is never even involved in that situation. How can He be involved unless we acknowledge Him?

So, how can you avoid my mistakes? Learn from my experiences. Here are 6 ways to know he’s not worth a second date:

1) He’s not saved— Don’t say, “We’ll I really like him, maybe he’ll get saved while we are together.” We can’t change men and we’re not responsible for doing so. Nobody could force us to live for God, so what makes us think we can change someone else? The Bible is clear when it says don’t be unequally yoked. God has to open that door of his heart. By being with him against God’s Word, you could actually be blocking that door from becoming open!

2) He says he loves God but…– he still wants to have sex before marriage. If he doesn’t respect God’s Word, He doesn’t love God. Period. A true man of God will honor God’s Word and respect YOUR body and your decisions. Love is not a feeling, it’s an action. It’s a verb. We prove love through our actions. Don’t just assume he knows God because he can quote scriptures and attends church. Ask God to show you his heart. After all, his heart is what will decide how the relationship goes, not how much he says he “loves God.”

3) He isn’t interested in marriage or commitment – He just wants to “chill.” This is the type of guy that will string you along! I have been there! You don’t even have to worry about considering a second date for this one…leave right in the middle of that first date! How dare someone want your time, your heart, and your vagina, yet, they aren’t even interested in putting a ring on your finger! You are worth much more than that! Run for your life hunny…run!

4) He lacks stability– Ok, so I’m not saying that people don’t fall on hard times or go through different trials. That’s normal. But, something is wrong when he’s had 4 or 5 jobs in the past year. Don’t just listen to his goals, look at what he’s doing to get there. There may be instances where someone has to work an odd job or two and I get that. But, his every pursuit should have an underlying purpose to complete his purpose. Which brings me to reason 5…

5) He doesn’t know his purpose – This one is self-explanatory. If he doesn’t even know his own purpose for living, why would you want him to add you to the equation? How can he be sure about you if he’s not even sure about who he is or what God has called him to do? I’m not just talking about worldly success. Money, cars, clothes, and a great job are all nice, but what does it all mean if he wants to kill himself because he lacks fulfillment? You can only receive true fulfillment through living your Godly purpose. If he doesn’t know what that is, he needs to figure himself out before he tries to figure the two of you out!

6) You aren’t attracted to him– Being a hard-working Christian woman doesn’t mean you have to settle! You have to have more in common with someone other than, “This is who God told me to marry” or “He’s a Christian with a good job.” Relationships are a choice. God may grant you His blessing in a relationship, but it’s still your decision to be with that person. God would never force us to be with someone because He knows we would blame Him during the hard times. We would feel stuck. Choose and choose wisely and freely. Don’t feel obligated to be with someone because you think you can’t do better. That’s not operating in faith- that’s fear.

Use common sense. I’m not telling you to bring a checklist of items with you to the first date and treat the man like he’s in an interview. Be led of the Holy Spirit. But, all of the above are perfectly acceptable topics to ask on a first date! After all, this is your life we’re talking about. Your time is precious and valuable. It’s better to know someone’s character upfront than to let your emotions get tied in and wish you had known earlier.

Want to prepared for your Godly husband and learn more about how to grow closer to God?…

Then click here to get your copy of I Believe in God, Now What? (ON SALE FOR A LIMITED TIME FOR 3 DOLLARS ON AMAZON!) Or get the free book sample…

…My FREE book sample, I Believe in God, Now What?, shares my many battles with depression, relationships, sex, rape, and addiction to help deepen your relationship with God. 

This book is sure to answer your questions about your single life and help you move further in your walk with Christ. 

To get the FREE book sample, click one of the following links:

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To get your copy of I Believe in God, Now What? click here (ON SALE FOR A LIMITED TIME FOR 3 DOLLARS ON AMAZON!).

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If You’re A Virgin or Considering Abstinence, Read This:

Dear Virgins,

Today, I’d like to encourage you.

You see, its come to my attention that there are men out there who don’t know your worth.

I’m also aware that the media and society don’t appreciate you either.

So, I’m going to let you know just how great you are.

People mock you in movies-they call you weak and insignificant.

But, how can you be weak when you’ve had the courage to do what others didn’t? That’s not weakness-that’s bravery.

Let’s look at all you’ve had to face-temptation, criticism, and even harsh remarks from friends and family. Yet, you’ve still pressed on. You’ve kept going. You’ve defied the odds.

You may feel tired of waiting. You may even have moments where you no longer see the point of honoring God since no one else is. But, you’ve got to stay strong. Your story will be someone else’s strength.

Because of your courage, your one day spouse will look at God and say, “Wow, thank you for blessing me!” That man will know how great you are simply because of your ability to defy the odds. So, don’t lose hope! Keep pressing forward!

Whether you’re a virgin, or a born again virgin like myself, the spouse that God has for you will know your worth. If someone has proven they don’t know your value, thank them and keep moving. That’s nothing to be upset about. Be grateful that they’ve kept you from wasting anymore of your time. They’ve also helped you to appreciate and recognize who your future spouse is not. There’s no reason to be bitter about the past. Be appreciative for the experience and keep them in prayer.

This blog applies to any man or woman waiting on God’s perfect timing. You are worth the wait! You can hold on! I’m here to encourage you. Ignore the “scary” stories and women who say that waiting was a mistake. Their story is not yours! Follow God’s will and all else will follow. (Additional Scriptures on this topic are below) 

Did you find this blog inspirational? Then please share so it can inspire others! You never know someone’s story-your help could save someone’s life. Thanks for your support!

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Scriptures on this topic:  “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time” – 1 Peter 5:6… “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” -Matthew 6:33 

So, You Think All the Good Men Have Gone and You’re Ready to Find Better…Read This:

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Before my relationship with God, I can recall a point in my life where I felt like there was no hope in men!

I mean …I had experienced them all-the cheaters, the liars, the “down lowers,” and  the quick tempered!

If you name it, I had been through it!

I thought I had gone through about as much as I could take until even worse happened-I was raped.

After that, I was done! I was threw with men! I hated them! I remember telling myself I rather just be gay than to keep going through life trying to find a good man.

Thank God, I didn’t go through with that thought. Instead, I went to my bedroom, closed the door, fell on the ground, and poured out to God in tears.

I told him I was tired, that I was sick of trying to live life my way, and that I was ready to give Him my all.

Experiencing rape was the last straw for me. I didn’t decide to give up on men. But, I did decide that I needed to do some serious self-examination within myself.

Jordone, what do you mean self-examination? Are you blaming yourself for getting raped?

No, I’m not blaming myself at all. But, I do know that God was tugging on my heart long before the rape ever happened. It was my choice to ignore the call. Therefore, I had to accept the path God was trying to help me avoid.

Even though getting raped wasn’t my fault, it did help me see that there were some choices in my life I needed to change.

You see, we will always attract whatever we give off. The clothes we wear, the attitudes we have, and the opportunities we go after will all attract a certain man.

For me, my public life was spotless. But, my relationship with God was a wreck. I was going to church, but had no personal life with my Savior. I wasn’t obeying His commands. So, that’s the kind of men I would attract-the kind that could quote scriptures and said they loved God, but really didn’t.

There comes a point where we must examine ourselves. Our relationships with people will always directly reflect our relationships with God. Dating someone is a choice that we make. So, if we constantly find ourselves with the wrong people, we have to look back to the source-our relationships with God.

If we can honestly examine where we are with God, it’s easier to identify what the real problem is.

But, Jordone, my relationship with God is already good!

Yes, but are you trying to force a man into a season he doesn’t belong in? Don’t awaken love before it arises (Song of Solomon 8:4). You’ll constantly come up short and blame the men. Instead, examine yourself. Are you being patient? Wait on God. (Additional blogs and scriptures on this topic are below)

My book, I Believe in God, Now What?, reveals my past battles with alcohol abuse, drug addiction, and rape in an effort to help others find forgiveness, love, and healing in Christ. Read more about the book here.  

When you subscribe to my blog, you’ll get the first two chapters of my book absolutely FREE! Subscribing is free-just go to the top right hand side of the page.

Did you find this blog inspirational? Then please share so it can inspire others! You never know someone’s story-your help could save someone’s life. Thanks for your support!

Love,

Jordone

Jordonewrites@gmail.com

Did you find this blog helpful? Do you have a blog request? Just want to talk? Reach out to me:

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Other Blogs on this topic: 1) “How in the World Can I Be Abstinent in a World Full of Sex?”, 2) “Where is my Adam?,” 3) “Struggling with Discontent: When Is my Time?!” 

Additional Scriptures on this topic: Psalm 37:5: “Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass.”

Also see: Psalm 37: 7, Psalm 37:4 , Isaiah 41:29, Isaiah 41:31, Isaiah 54:5

 

 

Me and my Eddie. We’ve been in an abstinent Godly relationship for about a year now and we’re looking forward to marriage! I never would have got him if I didn’t learn to first examine myself and my relationship with God. Ladies, seek God first. Put your all in Him and His Word and all else will follow (paraphrased-Matthew 6:33)!

Watching Your Ex Via Facebook? Here’s the Secret…

 

I remember the first time I got dumped.

 

I was mortified and cried for weeks. Even though the guy made it clear he no longer wanted me, I wasn’t willing to give up that easy.

 

I stalked that boy like there was no tomorrow! I went through every photo, tweet, and post he ever posted. If I spotted any girls “liking” his new posts or writing on his wall, I would go through their profiles to see what they looked like.

 

I would spend HOURS comparing myself to those girls, making up scenarios in my head of what “could be” going on, and beating myself up over the idea of him moving on. I would develop so many emotions and tears –simply over someone saying “Happy Birthday” on his wall! I was pitiful.

 

Why did I decide to bring that story up?

 

Because social media is only as affective as we allow it to be. If we don’t want someone’s every move to affect us, then it’s our responsibility to play our roles and stay in our lanes.

 

Even though my ex made it clear he didn’t want anything to do with me, I wasn’t ready to let him go. So, I used social media to know the parts of his life he no longer included me in. It was unhealthy and sickening.

 

In my upcoming book, I Believe in God, Now What?, I talk a lot about my past failures with relationships, sex, rape and how all of those collective experiences led me to accept Christ. 

 

Although I had to learn the hard way, those past mistakes taught me one of many important facts I want to share with you- when God closes a door, leave it closed. Don’t use social media to peep through the cracks of that door.

Philippians 3:13 says, “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.”

Not keeping your past in the past will only hinder your future. God makes no mistakes. So, if God has allowed something to end, there’s a good reason. Trust Him. If you found this blog inspirational, please use the share buttons below to inspire someone else. (See other blogs on this topic and pictures below) 

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Other blogs on this topic: 

1) Should you Keep in Touch with Your Ex?

2) “I Don’t Want a Relationship…Let’s Just Chill”…Here’s the Truth About Statements Like That

3) The Truth About Someone Who Breaks Up with You Because of Your Past

4) 4 Reasons Why You’re Still Single

 

 

Me and my boyfriend (Eddie). We’ve been in a Godly relationship for almost a year now and we are looking forward to marriage! I know that this blessing wouldn’t have walked in my life if I was still stuck on the past of my exe’s social media sites. Praise God for His grace and the courage to move on to the best He has for me!

The Book That Changed My Life: Deepening Your Relationship with God Through Understanding

It’s not often that I’ll do this, but from time to time I’ll step outside my normal blogging routine to recommend you guys material that I believe will be helpful to your walk with Christ.

 

Awhile ago, I had the opportunity to edit a book that completely changed my life. Yes, it was that serious.

 

You see, this book was special because I began editing the content at a time in my life where I was going through a lot of uncertainty with God. God, in the miraculous ways that He works, had told me to drop my life as a Peace Corps volunteer in Morocco to move back to America. This was the biggest step of faith I had ever made.

 

To top it off, He didn’t say where to go. I just knew it was no longer His will for me to live out of the country.

 

So, I dropped it all. I mean everything. I gave up my apartment, my life, my job and everything else and left. Because God told me to!

 

Things didn’t make sense to me at first, but I still had to press on. I had to keep God’s understanding in tact. If I doubted Him for a moment, I put myself in jeopardy of becoming discouraged and complaining.

That season was tough! I had to lose so much but I gained so much more in return. I grew in patience, forgiveness, humility, and love.

 

That’s the thing about God. He’ll never ask you to leave anything without giving you more in return. Why would He? He’s your Daddy! His commands are not to hurt you, they’re to help you! Stepping out on obedience is more about your benefit than His.

 

Anyway, in the midst of that season, a work opportunity came along for me to edit a book called, Understanding: All Success is Attained by It.

 

Let me be real with you. At the time that the opportunity came, I had no idea that God was going to use the book to teach me lessons that I would need for that season of difficulty. Through the author’s words, I was learning how to obey God’s understanding of a situation.

 

In many instances, we know exactly what God has told us to do but we are quicker to lean unto our own understanding than His. Unfortunately, we do ourselves an injustice when we refuse to submit our pride to God’s will. Most importantly, we miss out on the success that He has for us.

 

As I learned from this book, every command that God gives is attached to the success He desires for you. If you can step out in faith, you’ll reap the success. If you lean unto your own understanding, you’ll lose focus and miss your blessing.

 

As I read more of the book, I began to understand that God didn’t just ask me to leave the Peace Corps simply because He felt like doing so. He had and still has a plan. That plan is attached to the success He wants for me. All I had to do to reap was to stay focused on His understanding of the situation, not my own. Any moments of discouragement or complaint meant that I was leaning unto my own understanding, not His.

 

So, what is God telling you to step out on faith about? If you can learn to stay faithful in obedience, then you can reap the many rewards that God has for your life. Don’t just look at your difficulties as times of hardship. Instead, ask God to help you understand the situation from His perspective. If you can stick with His understanding, then you’ll reap His success.

If you are going through a tough season in your life, I definitely recommend purchasing this book to help you understand more about what God is doing in your life. His insight will give you more clarity and a better ability to stay focused. Here’s the link to purchase: www.understandingnow.com

My book I Believe in God, Now What? reveals my past battles with alcohol abuse, weed addiction, and rape in an effort to help others find forgiveness, love, and healing in Christ. Read more about the book here.  

When you subscribe to my blog, you’ll get the first two chapters of my book absolutely free! Subscribing is free-just go to the top right hand side of the page.

Did you find this blog inspirational? Then please share so it can inspire others! You never know someone’s story-your help could save someone’s life. Thanks for your support!

 

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Jordonewrites@gmail.com

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Is He Cheating on You? Here’s How to Tell and What to Do…

Pic Source: www.howtogetthemanofyourdreams.com

 

Is He Cheating on You?

 

Yes, I’ve been there. Prior to my relationship with God, I have cheated and been cheated on.

 

The first time I can remember being cheated on was during my study abroad time in Spain. I was in my junior year of college and living half way across the world. Instead of having the time of my life, I was rushing home at night to Skype my boyfriend.

 

Somewhere along the line, I noticed he had stopped answering my calls and it became more difficult to keep in touch with him (RED FLAG!). I soon found out why. He had been creeping around!

 

I was shocked. Here I was in a different country NOT taking full advantage of the experience to be on Skype…and this dude was playing me like boo boo the fool!

 

When I confronted him, he played the sad act. He cried, tried to Skype me a million times a day, and sent me thousands of messages like it was nobody’s business.

 

Eventually, like a dummy, I took him back. We stayed together for another year until I broke up with him again for…yes, you guessed it, cheating…again!

 

Did they have sex? I don’t know. Do I care? Not at all. I’ve moved on…so the most I can do about that situation is to pray for both of them and keep it moving. I just praise God that I had enough wisdom NOT to take him back again after that.

 

Here’s why I decided to bring that story up:

 

If there’s one thing you need to know about a cheater it’s that they are insecure. They may go to church, but their ability to attend church or quote scriptures doesn’t mean they are living for God. They have wounds on their hearts that they haven’t given to Christ.

 

Instead of finding validation in God, cheaters seek to find reassurance about their worth in relationships and sex. Like many people, it makes them feel good to feel wanted and desired. But, since they aren’t whole within themselves, they are seeking that desire in an ungodly fashion.

 

If you are with a cheater, my advice is to let it go! Yes, I know that the Bible urges us to forgive. But, God also doesn’t want us to be taken advantage of. Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to compromise your worth. You can forgive and still move on out of love and respect for yourself.

 

I was STUPID to stay with that man! He showed me his true colors once, and I put my blinders on as if the truth wasn’t right in front of me. When God shows you who someone is, believe Him. Don’t judge that person, but understand that you don’t have to stay with someone just because they say they love you. Love is an action, not a feeling. It’s a verb. We prove our love through what we do, not what we say! So, if someone is cheating on you, they are showing through their actions that they don’t love you!

If you don’t like the way it feels to be cheated on, then don’t cheat on God. Yes, God will forgive us for our sins. But, the Bible is clear when it says that He will only forgive us when we turn away in repentance (2 Chronicles 7:14). If we are steady running back to our sins, then we aren’t repenting, we are only taking advantage of God’s grace.

We have to start seeing our relationship with God as the marriage that it truly is. Picture your spouse cheating you, then asking for forgiveness. You take him back, but he does it again, and again, and again. That’s what it’s like to God when we run back to the same mess He brought us out of! It hurts Him. But, most of all, we hurt ourselves.

 

Looking back on that relationship, the funny thing is that I was surprised that my ex cheated! A man will only treat you as good as he treats God. God proved to me that man didn’t know God when he gave his body to me even though we weren’t married. So, there was no reason for surprise. He simply did to me what he was already doing to God.

 

You deserve God’s best for your life. You don’t have to settle for less than what He has for you. But, how can you receive His fullness if your hand is only half open?

 

Remove the clutter out of your life so you can truly receive all that God has for you. Do your part and watch Him do the rest.

 

My book I Believe in God, Now What? reveals my past battles with alcohol abuse, weed addiction, and rape in an effort to help others find forgiveness, love, and healing in Christ. Read more about the book here.  

When you subscribe to my blog, you’ll get the first two chapters of my book absolutely free! Subscribing is free-just go to the top right hand side of the page.

Did you find this blog inspirational? Then please share so it can inspire others! You never know someone’s story-your help could save someone’s life. Thanks for your support!

 

Love,

Jordone

Jordonewrites@gmail.com

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How Can Your Father’s Absent Love Affect Your Future Relationships?

           My loving Father and I. This was taken my sophomore year

of college at my sister’s debutante ball. 

 

There are so many people who feel like their father’s love is missing from their lives.

 

Sometimes, it’s the parent’s fault. Other times, the parent tried their best, but the child still felt neglected. For me, it was the latter.

 

I grew up in a two-parent married household. Each of my parents worked extremely hard for my little sister and I. They loved us tremendously.

 

Still, being the ungrateful daughter that I was, I became very rebellious, irate, and resentful towards my parents, especially my father. Unable to recognize the love he was giving me, I spent many of my teen years lashing out at him, never truly finding the strength to forgive myself until my early twenties.

 

Although my father didn’t deserve that treatment, reminiscing on my past reactions has helped me to understand why my past relationships were always such a mess.

Being the lonely, insecure woman that I was, I settled so much. There was an absence of love that I felt from my father. Instead of seeking that love in God, I searched for it in relationships, men, and sex.

 

So, why am I telling you this?

 

Because I believe I’m not alone. I know that there are many young women and men out there who feel neglected or abused by their fathers. Please note, I am not saying that my father did either. But, if your present is like my past, then your relationships have always mirrored the love you feel you missed out on.

A child will always base their understanding of love according to the treatment their parent(s) give them. If that child doesn’t get the love they feel they deserve, they will naturally yearn to find it other places as they get older. Often times, this yearning becomes the fuel to have relationships, sex, and feel loved.

 

Here’s the problem with that:

 

If you are like me, not forgiving the wounds from your past, then you won’t be looking for a relationship for the right reasons. Your heart won’t be healed, so you’ll naturally settle for what you desire, instead of what you truly deserve. One relationship after the other, it will always seem as if something goes wrong or things just don’t work out.

 

You know why?

It’s because you are searching for healing in relationships. But, God is the only one who can close those empty voids.

 

Even though my past relationships were terrible, my current relationship is completely different. It’s an abstinent Godly relationship that I’ve had for about eight months now. One of the main reasons that the relationship is so different than my others is because I found healing in God.

 

Once I learned to become whole through the Lord, I was no longer looking for a relationship to replace what I felt I missed out on with my father. Instead, I was letting God do the searching for me. I became content with myself and let Him lead the way. God would have never opened the door for this relationship if I hadn’t learned to first forgive myself.

 

If you have a burden on your heart from your father, you have to let that go. You have to forgive. Otherwise, your relationships and marriage will always be a reflection of a healing that still needs to take place. Don’t be so quick to say, “Oh I know I’ve forgiven that man.” People hear words, but God knows the heart. Even if you think you’ve forgiven, go to God in prayer and ask Him. If you’re sure, then there’s no hurt in at least approaching Him with the question.

 

This blog can apply to either someone’s father or mother. It doesn’t matter the mistake or the level of neglect. If Jesus can lie on a wooden cross and still ask His Father to forgive those who nailed Him, then you can do the same for your parent. If you don’t, the only one you will truly hurt is yourself. You don’t have to do it by yourself, and you don’t have to expect the hurt to leave overnight. Ask God for help, be patient, and let Him lead the way.

My book I Believe in God, Now What? reveals my past battles with alcohol abuse, weed addiction, and rape in an effort to help others find forgiveness, love, and healing in Christ. Read more about the book here.  

When you subscribe to my blog, you’ll get the first two chapters of my book absolutely free! Subscribing is free-just go to the top right hand side of the page.

Did you find this blog inspirational? Then please share so it can inspire others! You never know someone’s story-your help could save someone’s life. Thanks for your support!

 

Love,

Jordone

Jordonewrites@gmail.com

Did you find this blog helpful? Do you have a blog request? Just want to talk? Reach out to me:

Tweet Follow @JordoneWrites 

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The Top 6 Ways to Tell if You Are Settling in Your Relationship

So, are you settling in your relationship or is it what you really want?

 

I’ll be the first one to tell you that I’ve settled.

 

Before my relationship with God, I was so lonely and insecure that I let guys walk in and out of my life like it was nothing. Things would end with one guy, and I’d be eager to start things with the next.

 

Sometimes, I wasn’t even attracted to these guys. I wanted attention. I wanted to cuddle. I wanted someone to hold me. I wanted to feel loved.

 

All along, what I really wanted was God.

 

You see, I spent so many of those years settling simply because I wasn’t whole inside. I didn’t know who I was in the Lord, and my choices in men reflected that mentality.

 

Even if you do have a parent, figure, or mentor who tells you your worth, they can’t take the place of what only God can do. There’s no one on this Earth who can teach you the depth of your value like the One who created you.

 

I didn’t know this. So, instead of searching for my worth in God, I scrambled trying to find it men. But, I always came up short.

 

If you aren’t right within yourself, a marriage or relationship won’t change that, it will only make the matter worse. You’ll forever settle until you you learn to find  your worth in God, not men.

 

So, how can you tell if you’re settling?

 

Well, for starters, are you actually attracted to the person you’re with? Or, are they just cute and fun to be around? Read my post on attraction vs. love to learn more about this.

 

I’ll be honest with you and say that a few of my exes that I settled for weren’t even cute and I didn’t even like them that much. I mean, if they ain’t cute and you’re with them, you should at least like them right?! My friends would look at me like I was crazy! But, in my head, it was better than being alone. So, I stuck with them until we broke up, they cheated on me, or some other mess caused the relationship to end.

 

Here are some other ways to tell if you’re settling. Note: I have been guilty of many of the following so have no shame. If God can bring me out of my insecure promiscuity, then He can do the same for you.

 

• You just broke up with someone and you’re just using your current boo/relationship to fill a void…let it go!
• You hate being alone on the weekends. The idea of doing something by yourself doesn’t sit well with you. Your current relationship fills that void and maybe gives you an orgasm or two, but there’s no fulfillment….leave it alone!
• You scurry to find a date or someone to buy you dinner for Friday night. You weren’t expecting it, but it’s turned into a relationship/‘chilling’…leave it alone!
• The guy you’re with is really into you, but you could care less about his phone calls. It just makes you feel good to say you have a boyfriend…leave it alone!
• The guy you’re with buys you nice things, takes you out, and gives you good sex. There’s no true connection but you don’t want to leave the treatment he gives you…leave it alone!

 

Now that I have finally found who I am in God and waited on God to bless me with someone, I can’t believe I used to spend so much time with worthless men and relationships. Now that I know my worth, I would never accept less than my true value. My current relationship is an abstinent Godly relationship. We both found God in our lives before we found each other. So, there’s no need to worry about whether either of us is settling because we’re both content within ourselves. We know who we are in God, so there’s no need to settle for less.

Not only are you doing yourself an injustice by settling, but you’re only holding yourself back from receiving the true blessings that God may have for you.

If you want the best, you’ve got to be willing to let go of what isn’t the best. Period.

PS- I’m starting a Jordonewrites Bible study challenge to spend 27 days straight with God to grow and learn from Him like never before!  I’ll be keeping you all updated on my own personal progress as well. Be sure to enter your email below to stay posted on the challenge. Challenge starts May 18! If you’re a latecomer, just start your 27 days immediately and then move forward. Read more about the challenge here. 

Studies show that if you make something a habit for a certain period of time, it’ll remain a habit. So, after the 27 days…don’t stop! Keep going! Get all God has for you!

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Love,

Jordonewrites@gmail.com

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Other blogs on this topic: 

1.  6 Reasons to Let him Go After the First Date
2. How Do You Know if He Loves You?
3.  7 Ways to Prove You Love Your Man
4.  4 Ways to Tell He’ll Never Marry You
5. Is it Worth a Relationship? Or is it Just an Attraction?…Here’s How to Tell…

 

My boyfriend and I..I thank God I’m no longer settling. Instead, I chose God and let Him do the finding for me 🙂