Is He Dating You or Playing You? Here’s How to Tell…

 

Have you ever felt like you were unsure where you stand with a certain guy?

You all may talk for a few days, but all of a sudden he seems to be absent from your life only to show back up a week later. You notice the confusion, but you’re too shy to bring it up.

Maybe he’s been texting you for months now. But, there’s still no real sign of a commitment. He may even act like he likes you behind closed doors. But, when you all see each other in public, his demeanor changes from flirty to friendly.

So, is he dating you or playing you?

All of the above scenarios have applied to my life at one point in time. My single life was a wreck because my relationship with God was a wreck. I was trying to have a loving relationship without the Author of Love (1 John 4:8), which is basically like trying to bake a cake without cake batter-there was no solid foundation for my relationships to form from. Consequently, I received less than I was worth. Every guy I chose was a reflection of who God didn’t want me to be with, which is why I would land in one or more of the situations above.

So, were they dating me or playing me?

Well, to answer that question, let’s look at what True Love does…

True Love will always…

1) Take Ownership– Lord means Owner. When God has your life, He owns you, not just out of obligation, but out of Love. Love takes ownership. Love does text you for months without ever claiming you as his. Love does not feel embarrassed to call you his girlfriend in front of other people. And love does not make you feel a relationship will add pressure to an already confusing situation. Love claims because love knows you are worth claiming.

2) Be Clear– Blurry titles and confusing statuses are less than what you deserve. God is clear about who we are to Him and anyone wanting to follow His footsteps should do the same. Love does not break up with you every three months. Love does not pop in and out of your life. Love does not tell you, “we should take a break and date other people.”  Love doesn’t need to “see other people” to know your worth. Confusing titles represent unclear minds. If he’s clear about who you are, no confusion is necessary.

3) Makes Effort– Let’s be real…he’s been texting you for six months but you have yet to see his face or go on a date? The Cross, the greatest Love of all, took effort. If God knows you are worth the Cross, do you not think you’re worth a date? Stop settling! Money is not an excuse. There are plenty of free ways to have a conversation (the park, the mall, taking a walk). Someone who is interested in you will do more than invite you to his house to watch a movie. He will make the effort to get to know you.

If you’re ever confused about what Love is, look at what God is. God is not a God of confusion, disorder, or disarray. So, every true form of love will be like Him. A man who is unclear about where he is in God can’t possibly be clearer about you. Stop expecting men who don’t know their Worth to give you what you’re worth. If any of the above apply to you…he’s not dating you, he’s playing you. He may be attracted to you or hoping to eventually have sex with you, but he’s not willing to wait on you. He doesn’t know your worth so he will string you along…without a clear commitment. He’s wasting your time. But, don’t be surprised, mostly likely he’s playing God too. A man will only treat you as good as he treats God.

Ladies, it’s just as important for you to do your part. You can’t expect to receive your worth until you know your Worth. Get to know God first before diving into relationships. Find yourself in Him and let Him do the looking for you. If this blog inspired you, please share to help someone else 🙂 (other blogs on this topic are below)

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Other blogs on this topic: 

1) “I Don’t Want a Relationship…Let’s Just Chill”..Here’s the Truth About Statements Like That

2) 6 Reasons to Let him Go After the First Date

3) Why Won’t God Send You a Husband?

4) The Top 5 Reasons Many Christian Women Stay Single

5) 7 Ways to Prove You Love Your Man

6) 4 Ways to Tell He’ll Never Marry You

 

 

7 Ways to Prove You Love Your Man

“If you love me, then you’d have sex!”

That line is such a classic. Too often, young women think they have to open their legs to prove they love a man.

Too many women feel pressured, obligated, and sometimes forced into having sex, simply because they think having sex will prove their love for their “boo” or significant other.

Well, I have news for you. Unfortunately, I had to learn this the hard way, but sex is not the way to a man’s heart.

Sex may give you his drama, but it won’t give you his love.

In fact, the man who truly loves you will be the one who doesn’t make you feel you have to prove your love. He will respect your desire to honor your body for God and he won’t pressure you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with.

You do not have to open your legs to show your love to someone. Sex is not love. So, if your man is sleeping around, liking another girl, threatening to leave you, or telling you how much better he is without you, sex will not make him stay. Adding sex to an already dysfunctional relationship doesn’t cure anything. In fact, sex can only make the situation worse. Sex is not the equivalent to a loving, lasting relationship, but God is. God is love (1 John 4:8). And putting Him at the center of your relationship, from start to finish, is the key towards having true love. Including God in your relationship includes obeying His commands: wait for sex until marriage.

Love is not a feeling. Love is an action (1 Corinthians 13). It’s a verb. Love is not what you say. Love is what you do. You don’t feel love, you show love.

No, I’m not talking about the kind of false love people think exists on movies when some girl drops her panties to keep a man, then miraculously ends up keeping him until the end of the movie. I’m talking about God’s love. The kind of love that died for you on the cross over 2,000 years ago so you wouldn’t have to drop your panties.

Take it from me hunny. You are loved dearly by a God that cared for you so much that He gave His only Son to be your Savior on a cross. Because of Jesus, any sin you commit can be forgiven. He’s all the love you need. And, if you freely accept Him, you can have the love and the relationship you want according to His will. But, you have to live in His will and be obedient to His commands. That starts with knowing you’re worth more than the jerk who tells you he needs to cum inside of you in order for him to know you love him. That’s not love. That’s manipulation. And, if you follow that man, instead of God, he’ll only lead you down a path of pregnancy, pain, and heart break.

Take my advice and learn from my mistakes. Please avoid the path God is trying to keep you from. If you really want to prove you love your man, here’s how:

1) Pray for him – Too often women can be picky over our blessings. When God does bless you with that gem, be quicker to pray for him than complain about him. Avoid arguments over clothing and other minor details. Not every disagreement is worth an argument. Remember: your prayers are always more powerful than your words.

2) Encourage him – This is the man that you prayed for. Stop beating him up. That’s not love. Give him the same grace that God has given you. Love him when others don’t.

3) Believe in him – When his family beats him up or his friends make him feel inadequate, believe in him. Be the one that stands by him no matter who’s watching.

4) Give him your time, even when it’s inconvenient to do so- Use wisdom on this one. I’m not telling you not to handle your responsibilities. But, I am saying that giving your time is sometimes more valuable than giving a gift.

5) Push him – Don’t allow him to settle in life. Push him to do his best, not with pressure or force, but with kind words and out of a loving, genuine heart.

6) Submit to him – I know I won’t get a lot of “amen’s” on this one. But, the Bible is clear about submission in marriage. I’m not up for choosing which parts of God’s Word I will obey. Submission is not about calling the woman inferior. It’s about ensuring that there’s a form of leadership and order in the household. Marriage is an institution. Every business, sports team, and other successful institution in America is successful because there is a leader. Without a leader, there’s no order or control. Yes, the woman’s opinion still matters. But, when there is discord, God has given us the responsibility to submit so that He (God) can take control of the situation. Through submission, the argument can be eliminated and the focus can return to God. If the man is submitting to Christ, then both parties are actually submitting to God too. So, don’t look at submission as submitting to the man. Look at it as both individuals submitting to God.

7) Stay for the long haul – Your man has already had people from the world that have quit on him, his ideas, and his dreams. He needs his woman to act differently. You guys are a team. When faced with opposition, don’t be so quick to run away. Of course, #7 doesn’t apply to you if you are being abused mentally, emotionally, or physically. If your life is in danger, I advise you to leave. If this blog inspired you, please share the love with someone else by clicking below 🙂

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Other blogs on this topic: 

1) “I Don’t Want a Relationship..Let’s Just Chill”: Here’s the truth About Statements Like That…

2) Attraction vs. Love…Whats’s the Difference?

3) Why Won’t God Send You a Husband?

4) 6 Reasons to Let Him Go After the First Date

5) Honey, Your Vagina is NOT Your Worth

6) 4 Ways to Tell He’ll Never Marry You

Me and my Eddie! We celebrated his 22nd bday this week!

We are looking forward to marriage!

PS-Yes, I did get a haircut..do you like?

Can God Replace Your Daddy?

 

Her eyes filled with water as the streams of tears fell down her face.

It was her second appointment with a phsychiatrist but they seemed to be getting nowhere.

She was upset that she had no relationship with her family, especially her father. Not because he hadn’t tried, but because her bitterness about life left her too sour to allow any man too close unless that man was ready to hurt her.

Her perception of love was screwed. Her father, her mother, her sister, and everyone else around her wanted to be close to her, but she was too perfect at rejecting authentic love.

She thought love was sex, feelings, emotions, and pain. She wanted the world’s form of love, not God’s.

She was hurt and insecure from her adolescent days of isolation and exclusion. So, she accepted the kind of relationships that reflected the low thoughts she had of herself. Now, she was hoping this psychiatrist could be the healing to her pain. She wanted this lady with numerous degrees on her wall to do more than listen to her problems. She wanted her to be the cure to her life. But, she couldn’t. That wasn’t her job, it was God’s. So, each session left her sadder, because more thoughts about her non-existent relationship with her father kept coming up, but nothing was being done to solve the issues.

It wasn’t until three years later, after numerous failed attempts to find love in many more wrong relationships that she would realize the truth: only God can replace your Daddy. Once she allowed God’s love into her life, she was freely able to accept and nurture the love of her father.

This is my story.

I had to learn the hard way that the love many feel is missing from their fathers can only be replaced with God. But, you don’t have to. Here are a few steps to take as you deepen your relationship with God to the Fatherly level:

1) Salvation – God can’t be your Dad and protector until He has your life. He can only have your life through His Son. So, first and foremost, make sure you’ve accepted His Son. Jesus Christ is the only way by which we become children of God, and not just His creations. Jesus is a present to humanity. He’s the way that God gives us an invitation into His family. But, we have to accept His gift. Click here for the prayer of salvation. Remember: it’s not just about praying the prayer, it’s about living your life for Him too.

2) Be real – The difference between best friends and acquaintances is that best friends can be real with each other. They can tell each other secrets, trust each other, and express their true feelings without inhibition. God is no different. He always wanted to be our God and our Daddy too. He wants a relationship with you, not religion. Talk to God like you would talk to your best friend. Tell Him when you’re tired of being patient, waiting for marriage, or frustrated. Then, ask Him for help in those areas. He can fully help you once you’re honest about where you are with Him.

3) Be open – As God’s children, He takes delight in pleasing us when the desires align with His will. Sometimes, God wants to bless us spiritually, mentally, and physically, but we are too closed off to receive Him. Be open. In your prayer time and throughout the day, get your mind off your problems so you can hear what God is saying about your life. Then, be open to receiving His love and correction. The whole idea about trusting God goes beyond the self. The further our minds are away from ourselves, the more we are able to help someone else in need.

4) Communicate Often – Best friends want to communicate with each other while acquaintances only talk because they’re put in a situation where communication is necessary. Talking to God often is the surest way towards feeling that Fatherly love He desires for you. Talk to Him throughout the day. Replace your thoughts, ideas, and complaints with prayers. Most of all, enjoy it. It may feel funny at first but be patient to the point where all-day communication with Him not only feels natural, but fulfilling.

Yes, God can replace your Daddy. Yes, God craves to be your all. Yes, God longs to be that protection in your life. But, you have to do your part. You have to allow Him to protect you. You have to be the one to give Him your all. You have to let Him enter your life. When God becomes your Daddy, your life with Him is no longer about religion, but a relationship. Any relationship requires roles from both parties. God has already played His role-He gave His only Son so that you could live. Now, will you play your role? Will you make the next move? Accept Christ, trust Him, spend time daily, and let Him lead the way. If this blog inspired you, please share the love with someone else by clicking below

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Other blogs on this topic: 

1) Love vs. Attraction: What’s the Difference? 

2) How can a Father’s Absent Love Affect Your Future Relationships? 

3) Why a Spouse Can Never Be Your Everything

A Few Truths You Never Realized About The Bill Cosby Rape Allegations

I was once raped in 2012.

The reactions I received from friends, family members, and loved ones I thought were close to me proved that I didn’t know people as well as I thought. I felt alone and estranged because, much like the women involved in the Bill Cosby case, too many people around me assumed I was making the story up.

Photo of Bill Cosby. Photo Source: atoast2wealth.com

Like the Bill Cosby allegations, the man who raped me was also well-known and established. He had money, a great job, and knew how to win people over with charisma. After the rape initially happened, I was in disbelief and denial.

“Who would believe me? This man had money and people knew his face,” I thought.

After some time, I was convinced that going to the hospital to take a rape examination was the right decision. It didn’t take long for the examiners to conclude what I had already known: yes, I had been raped.

Here’s why I decided to bring that story up…

Whether the accused is Bill Cosby, another famous face, a well-known campus athlete, or a popular fraternity group, people have a tendency to paint rape victims as liars more than any other type of case.

As I asked friends about their opinions about whether Cosby was guilty, people would respond, “I don’t know. I don’t think Cosby could do something like that,” or “The women may just want some of his money.”

Comments like these are the reasons rape victims don’t come forward. Why do we think that men in well-established places are unable to do wrong? We watch a character that Cosby plays on TV and we assume we know the guy so much. Our false assumptions of his true character make us quick to dismay the truth as long as it means we can remain attached to a persona we think we know so well-all because of a character we’ve seen on TV! The same goes for athletes and businessmen-having “success” and being charitable doesn’t make you immune to doing evil.

“Well, why did it take so long for the women to come forward?,” people say.

Well, to answer that question, let’s look at the reactions of society. Time and time again, rape victims feel alone because there’s no one that believes them, especially when a famous face or high-profile individual is involved. One supposedly innocent night can turn into policemen, media, and unwanted attention. That kind of spotlight can have the potential to damage a reputation forever. The victim knows there’s a chance they will sacrifice their public image and no one will believe them. So, why wouldn’t someone hesitate to go through all that?

I don’t care if the victim is a whore, a model, or pursuing a career in acting-rape is rape. Just because the victim is sexually active or trying to break into a certain industry, that doesn’t give society reason to assume she’s a liar. No means no. If there is no consent, it’s rape. Period.

One of Cosby’s alleged victims said it best, “rape is not about sex, rape is about power.” At some point in time, we have to begin looking at each other from a more selfless point of view. We have to take off the blinders that arise from money, success, and potential. We have to realize that titles don’t mean diddly-squat when it comes the to truth of a person’s character. Just because someone is nice, on TV, or has a great resume, that doesn’t mean they don’t have insecurities or issues they haven’t given to God. Rape is much less about sex and much more about an opportunity for someone to take control and conquer their insecurities. Until that unhealthy desire for power is fulfilled with God’s love, anything can happen, regardless of who they are.

A role on TV doesn’t make someone immune to pain or insecurities. If anything, that lifestyle can enhance insecurities by providing a false sense of superiority. Full self-security will never be reached until God has that person’s life and money, cars, and fame can only blind someone to that truth. That person will go on thinking their “perfect” outside life means they are ok, but really all it’s done is allowed them to ignore that the more personal sides of their lives have been neglected. Those sides can only be handled by God.

All of us, including myself, have fallen short of the glory of God. So, this article isn’t to bash Cosby, it’s to let others know that his accusers don’t deserve ridicule or judgement.  I hope you join me in not judging Cosby, his accusers, or any of those involved. Instead, let’s pray for them. Anyone can be sexually assaulted and men aren’t excluded. Let’s pray for all rapists and victims-fathers, men, women, and wives alike. Their pain is all the same.

Above all else, let’s remember we aren’t just victims…we are survivors. If this blog inspired you, please share the love with someone else by clicking below

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4 Ways to Tell He’ll Never Marry You

Pic source: sheknows.com

I once waited what felt like my entire life for a guy to propose.

I was naive and just beginning to learn God’s voice for myself. “The Lord told me you’re the one,” I said to him one day. He had clearly already made it known he wanted nothing to do with me romantically. Still, I pressed on.

I was so sure he was the “one.” But, I was wrong. I wasn’t hearing God’s voice, I was hearing my own. A classic mistake many women make when they care about someone and want God to support their beliefs.

Now, God tried to protect me. He tried to tell me through a pastor that I was indeed not hearing the voice of God. But, in my naiveté, I rejected his advice and continued to steer myself in the wrong direction, assuming God would get behind me.

I was wrong. So wrong that when God’s future husband for me did come along, I didn’t initially recognize him because I was still blinded my own stupidity and stubborness.

It’s God’s job to protect His children. So, He’ll always make sure sure He watches out for your best interest. But, He can’t force you to make the right decision. I should have listened to my pastor, but I didn’t. Instead, I went to a friend who I knew would tell me what I wanted to hear, not what I needed to know. So, I walked around like a chicken with my head cut off, chasing a guy that clearly had little to no concern for me. And, I had no one to blame but myself.

Usually, when a man doesn’t have any intention to marry you, he will make it clear. God will make it known to you too. It’s up to you to decide who you will obey, God or yourself.

Don’t be strung along or waste your time. Here are 4 tell-tale signs that man won’t marry you:

1) Distance– Is he constantly expecting you to be the one to call or maintain the communication? Are you always more eager to talk or spend time together than he is? Does there seem to be distance in the relationship unless you make the effort to communicate or be together? These are obvious signs that he’s not going after you. A guy who cares about you will want to make the effort to spend time together. You’re worth more. Move on.

2) Verbal – Sometimes guys will boldly say, “I don’t want to be with you,” “you’re not my type,” “You’re too this for me,” or “you’re too that for me,” but we will still hear what we want to hear. If a guy says any of the above, he’s making it clear that neither marrying you nor being with you is on his mind.

3) Non-verbal – When you bring up the topics of marriage, wedding, or engagement, does he become distant or quickly tries to change the subject? Does he become awkward when his friends and family bring up the idea of marrying you? I bet he wouldn’t act that way if they offered him a million dollars!  You’re worth more than a million honey! Move on, he doesn’t know your worth.

4) Hush! – You think you know him so well because you’ve talked on the phone for 3 hours each night for the past 3 months. But, who’s really been doing all the talking? Is he opening up too, or just listening? A man who wants to build a future with you will do more than just listen, he’ll talk too. Be quiet, ask some questions, and see how well you really know him. Please share the love of this post with someone else 🙂 (More blogs like this below)

Do you want to prepared for your future Godly husband?

…Then click here for my free book sample. My book, I Believe in God, Now What?, shares my many past battles with failed relationships, rape, and depression to help you move further in your walk with Christ. This book is sure to help you become free from your past and understand more about God’s purpose for your life. 

To get the FREE book sample, click one of the following links:

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Calendar Update: On January 22, I’ll be sharing my testimony and speaking to a youth group in Florence, SC about conquering their identity in Christ. Info and Venue:

Faith Kingdom Builders OM    

2908 Republic Ave

Florence,SC 29502

Come join us! 🙂

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4 Ways to Deepen Your Relationship with God

Before my relationship with God, I spent most of my life attending church, but I didn’t know God for myself. Unfortunately, my life’s choices reflected that I had no idea who God was beyond singing in the church choir and listening to sermons every Sunday.

My relationships with men, my addiction, and my insecure sex life all reflected that I had no idea who God was outside of what my Mom and Dad had taught me. I relied on other people’s relationships with God to get me through life. You can’t truly know yourself until you know the One Who created you. So, since I didn’t know God, I didn’t know myself either.

Unfortunately, there are so many broken people like my former myself. They are in search for God’s love, but don’t know it. So, they settle for finding themselves in men and women that don’t care about them and sex that doesn’t fulfill them. It’s an endless battle with only one cure: God.

The benefits of believing in Jesus can go way beyond church service. Jesus came to this earth to promote a relationship with God, not religion. Over focusing on religion over God is actually what differentiates Jesus from other faiths. So, when you only experience God through religious rituals, church service, and church activities, you’re not getting the full experience of God’s peace or Who He is. As followers of Christ, our desire should be to hear God’s voice and know Him for ourselves. When you lack a relationship with God, all that confusion in your life isn’t there because God is taking you through something, it’s there because you don’t have an actual relationship with Him. He’s drawing you to Him. Obey and listen.

Here are some ways to learn God for yourself outside of church and what others have told you. Deepening your relationship with God is the surest way towards finding out your purpose, knowing who you are, and discovering the love that you’re looking for:

1) Apply the Word – Don’t just read the Bible just to do so. Read to apply His Word to your life. I always take what I’m battling and google scriptures about it. For example, if you don’t know how to stop having sex before marriage, google “scriptures on lust.” If you don’t know how to forgive, google “Bible study on forgiving.” Then, actually believe what you read and apply it to life’s situations.

2) Pray Beyond Emergencies – The Bible says we should “pray without ceasing”(1 Thessalonians 5:17). Wouldn’t you hate it if your best friend only came to you when she needed something? A relationship with God is no different. Talk to God throughout the day and all day. We spend all day thinking, wondering, and planning. Why not spend that time talking to God about our thoughts?

3) Obey – You can’t have a relationship with God without obedience to His Word. Have faith in what He tells you to do, trust Him, and let Him lead the way.

4) Forgive – God has commanded us to forgive each other and “love, bless, and pray for our enemies” (paraphrased Matthew 5:44). God can’t propel you to the next level if you have a whole bunch of junk on your heart. Let it go and give it to Him. That way, your story can be used to inspire someone else. Please share the love of this post with someone else 🙂 (More blogs like this below)

 

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Other blogs on this topic: 

1) The Book that Changed My Life: Deepening Your Relationship with God Through Understanding

2) Why Won’t God Send You a Husband? 

3) Pinky Promise 2014…A Life Changing Experience 

4) My Story of Forgiveness and “People Bondage” 

5) Learning to Forgive: How I Learned to Let the Small Things Go 

 

Beware: The Sugar Daddy Syndrome

There’s an epidemic going around that scientists are calling “SDS,” also known as “The Sugar Daddy Syndrome.”

Symptoms include the following: expecting a man to take care of you financially, expecting a man to take care of you emotionally, and expecting a man to heal your past insecurities and pain.

There is one known cure for this all too familiar disease: Jesus.

It’s unfortunate that the “sugar daddy syndrome” has not only become the norm, but it’s being embraced. Popular faces throughout the Real Housewives, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and Basketball Wives, make you think this life is glamorous, but it’s not. It’s sad. The only difference between everyday women with sugar daddies and famous women with sugar daddies is the fame. Famous or not, these women all have the same hurt, the same insecurities, and the same pitiful dependency on a man to save their day.

Girls today are quicker to say, “I want me a baller” than “I want a man who loves the Lord.” I actually had a young girl tell me that she rather have money than to be happy. This girl was no more than 15 years old. She had barely reached puberty and already had a set idea that money had more value than her self-worth!

Where did she get such a thought? Are we doing everything we can to let our young girls know where their worth truly comes from?

If we don’t get our value from Jesus, then we’ll depend on the world to tell us who we are and what we’re worth. We’ll settle for men who really don’t deserve our time and we’ll sacrifice Godly principles for the sake of not being alone and feeling taken care of.

I used to be the queen of this lifestyle. I loved the idea of having a boyfriend and having someone to take care of my emotional needs. I expected to be taken out, not because I enjoyed eating out and knew I was worth it, but because I used him taking me out to define my worth. I wasn’t whole, so I expected the men I dated to make me whole. But, because God was never in those relationships, they never worked out. I was always left unfulfilled and heart broken.

The modern day sugar daddy is no longer limited to an older man. Heck, a sugar daddy doesn’t even have to be rich! A sugar daddy is any and every man you allow to run through your life thinking he can make you complete. You don’t know God for yourself and instead of finding your worth in Him, you hope a man can take care of your every need. But, he can’t. He wasn’t designed to be your all. Only God can do that.

God made you and your sugar daddy. He knows what’s best for you. He knows that man’s heart can’t give you what you need if he doesn’t even know his own Maker. You are so mesmerized at the idea of having someone to listen to how you feel that you never even stopped to ask the guy if he was saved. That man can’t even give you part of what you’re worth unless he knows the One Who made you.

So stop settling. Stop running from God. Attention, affection, and nice things may cover up your insecurities, but they’ll never get rid of them. Men and nice clothes can’t hide true character. Until you get your relationship with God right, your life will always reflect how you truly feel about yourself on the inside.

The interesting thing about sugar daddy relationships is that the man is usually just as insecure as the woman. That man is just as lonely and lacking just as much of a relationship with God as she is. They are both incomplete and hoping to find totality in each other. Neither get what they’re truly looking for because the fulfillment they each desire can’t be found in each other, it can only be found in God.

The sugar daddy may not admit it but deep down he recognizes she’s not with him for the love. But he doesn’t care enough about himself to leave. He’s in the relationship for the same reason she is: security.

“SDS” is not about love. It’s about compromise. Each person compromises their true value for the sake of temporary satisfaction. They are each worth so much more but don’t know it because they don’t know Who they are in God.

We need to stop glamorizing this life and start calling it what it really is: settling.

If you or someone you know is suffering from “SDS,” I want to let you know that God has so much better for you. But, you’ve got to be willing to let go and trust Him. Don’t you want the relationship you’re truly worth? Then be encouraged and learn to find your identity in Him. It’s not your man’s job to take care of you or to heal you. It’s your man’s job to love you. But, if you don’t know who you are, you’ll never be able to truly accept, recognize, or appreciate the love that you’re worth having.  Let go. You can do it! Just trust God. It’s that simple. He won’t let you down. I’m here to encourage you! Message or comment below if you need me! As always, please share the love of this post with someone else

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Other blogs on this topic: 

1) Why Won’t God Send You a Husband?

2) Attraction vs. Love..What’s the Difference?

3) The Top 5 Reasons Many Christian Women Stay Single

4) The Top 6 Ways to Tell if You’re Settling in Your Relationship

5) Why Does Love Hurt?: Abusive Relationships

Honey, Your Vagina is NOT Your Worth

You love sex. Everything about an orgasm pleases you, especially that moment afterwards when his eyes roll back and you think you’ve won him over.

You think your vagina gives you the upper hand towards a man’s heart. So, not only does the sex please you, but it gives you a sense of self-worth.

You think you’re the Queen of the Nile and no one can tell you anything until that all too familiar moment when the guy proves he’s no more interested in you than the last girl he just dumped yesterday. You feel heart broken and eager for the next guy to fill that empty void in your heart. Your foolish ways keep you blinded to the fact that this endless cycle will lead to neither fulfillment nor a relationship, but only divorce, pregnancy, and more heart break. Can I tell you something that I had to learn the hard way? Please believe me when I say:

Honey, your worth is not in your vagina. 

You don’t have to open your legs to get a man to love you. Your body is a treasure, not a commodity. It was bought with a hefty price of blood as God’s only Son died so you would know your worth can only be found in Him, not men or sex.

I used to be you. I let guys run in and out of my life like shoes. I wanted marriage, they wanted sex. I wanted a ring, they wanted a fling. I didn’t know who I was, my Savior, or my worth, so I settled. I didn’t know my value was in the only One who can define me. And because I refused to conduct my relationships His way, they always failed.

“My daughter, why do you run after men who don’t know me to find your worth in pleasures only designed for marriage,” He would try to tell me. “I’m the author of that man’s life and the sex you use to gratify yourself. That relationship will never give you the love you’re truly worth because I’m the One who made his life. I know his heart and I want more for you than he ever could. Yet, you refuse to obey.”

Man, I wish I had listened. If God could come down off His throne to give you the tough love you refuse to accept you could clearly see He’s trying to tell you:

Honey, your worth is not in your vagina. 

I don’t care what Steve Harvey’s Think Like a Man says. That man is not God! There is no 90-day, 6-month, or 1-year mark on how long you should make a man wait before he “test drives your engine.” That’s not love, that’s manipulation. And this isn’t cars we’re talking about, it’s your life.

Sex is not a means to draw a man in to commit to you. It’s not a toy. Sex will only bring him to your body, not your heart. And waiting 90 days, or any days, to give it to him doesn’t guarantee he’ll stay with you.

Stop following the words and advice of people whose personal lives you’ve never even seen. Open your Bible and look to the One Who created you. He’s the only One you should be trusting. He wants what’s best for you.

Why does today’s world have so much divorce? Why are so many unloved kids born into families without fathers? Because the commitment lasted in the bedroom and not anything more. 

We refuse to obey God’s Word to wait but then we blame Him for our problems and the way the world looks.

Unfortunately, we don’t want the God that gives us the strength to wait. We want the “god” that pays our bills, takes care of our emergencies, and only asks for our attention for two hours on Sunday morning. But, that’s not serving God, that’s serving yourself and asking God to follow you.

God gives instructions for sex to protect you, not to hinder you. He isn’t about religion, He’s about a relationship. And the worth you are seeking can’t be found in the job, sex, or men you use to define yourself. It can only be found in a relationship with Him.

Yes, the number of men who will wait on you are rare. But that’s why they are treasures. If you honor God, and it’s His will, then that guy will show up. No, waiting isn’t easy, but how much success has doing it your own way truly brought you? Be honest with yourself-you don’t just want sex. You don’t want to “chill,” you want a commitment. And you should. You’re worth it.

God’s man for you is not the one who makes you feel like you have to pull down your panties to make him stay and beat the competition! Girl, if that man really cared for you there would be no competition!

Great sex doesn’t win men’s hearts. It wins their penises, their STD’s, and their baby daddy drama. Only God wins men’s hearts, and if you want a successful relationship you’ll start going to Him first so He can win the man for you.

I hope you now understand what I mean when I say:

Honey, your vagina is not your worth. 

Your female parts don’t come with a bar code or a price sticker because there’s no amount of money that defines your value. You were bought with someone’s life: Jesus. He is your worth. He will give you more fulfillment than any orgasm, man, or title ever can. He’s longing for you. Trust Him. He won’t let you down. If God can deliver me from my insecure promiscuity and into the arms of a Godly relationship then He can do it for anyone. I’m here to encourage you! Message or comment below if you need me! As always, please share the love of this post with someone else.

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Other blogs on this topic: 

1) “I Don’t Want a Relationship, Let’s Just Chill”…Here’s the Truth About Statements Like That

2) 6 Reasons to Let him Go After the First Date

3) Why Won’t God Send You a Husband?

4) How to Be Abstinent

5) Is it Worth a Relationship Or it Just an Attraction?: Here’s How to Tell..

6) The Top 6 Ways to Tell if You’re Settling in Your Relationship

7) Why a Spouse Can Never Be Your Everything

 

Why Won’t God Send You a Husband?

Have you ever felt like everyone around you is married, engaged, or ‘booed up’ except for you?

Maybe you’ve been praying for a husband or boyfriend for years now but he hasn’t come along yet.

You may say to yourself, Why not me God? When will my time come?

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I can’t say that I know what waiting on a man feels like because, before my relationship with God, I was always so man hungry that I never really found myself single. I had a lot of built up pain on my heart and used men to fill my voids. (Read about that experience here.)

However, I can relate to feelings of loneliness. I know what it’s like to feel like everyone around you has a perfect relationship except for yourself. And, I’d like to help those out there who still may feel lost or alone in the midst of their single life.

Often times, we are our own worst enemy when it comes to discovering the relationship that we desire. God may want that man for you, but is there something in your life that’s blocking your blessing?

Here are some tips to help you remove any barriers that could be keeping you from married/relationship life. Learn from my mistakes by taking the following into consideration:

1) Let go of the wounds– Who haven’t you forgiven? What animosity is still harboring your heart? There’s nothing wrong with staying away from someone who doesn’t mean you well. But, there’s a problem if you still carry those wounds on your heart. God doesn’t want you to enter a new relationship with old baggage. You’ll only blame your new man for past wounds and expect him to heal insecurities that only God can take care of. (Read about my experience with past wounds and relationships here).

2)Give God your all– God wants to be the God over all of our lives, not just apart. The same struggles that keep you from God could be the very things that keep you from receiving that person He has for you. We can’t expect for God to give us a Godly man if we’re not being faithful Godly women too.

3)Preparation– Ok so maybe it’s not your time yet. But, what are you doing in the mean time before that man arrives? This time should be spent getting to know God better. The stronger you are in God, the more prepared you can be when God is ready to share you with someone else. Relationships and marriage are work. Are you honestly even prepared to receive what you’ve been praying for?

Don’t be discouraged. You have that desire to receive a husband for a reason. First, ask God if your desires are His too. Then, ask Him to lead you towards becoming that Godly woman that He desires. The waiting may seem agonizing but God’s timing is perfect. You wouldn’t want Him to give you your husband at a time in your life when you’re unfit and unstable? Trust that God knows what He’s doing. If you put your all in Him, then there’s no need in worrying when the next guy will come along. Your focus will be on God and you’ll be letting Him do the work for you.

Want to prepared for your Godly husband and learn more about how to grow closer to God?…

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This book is sure to answer your questions about your single life and help you move further in your walk with Christ. 

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An Open Letter to James Fortune: Why God Won’t Give You the Desires of Your Heart

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The recent arrest of grammy-nominated gospel singer James Fortune is extremely unfortunate.

But, I’m not here to judge Mr. Fortune. I’m here to pray for him. The difficult points of people’s lives aren’t the times where we should give up on them, it’s the time when we must love them the most.

We don’t know anything about what exactly happened with Mr. Fortune that night. But, what I do know is that there’s a huge lesson we can all learn from his experience: there’s a reason why God waits to give us the desires of our hearts.

Let me explain. You see, I used to be extremely anxious about certain aspects of my life. The idea of having my next career move, my next boyfriend, etc. used to be things I would beg God for. I was always living for what I hoped to be the next part of my life instead of enjoying the present moment.

More often than not, God didn’t grant me the answers to these anxious prayer requests. And, truthfully, I’m glad He didn’t for one main reason: I wasn’t ready.

How often do we ask God for things then become frustrated by the very same blessings we begged Him to receive?

God doesn’t want to give us anything He desires for us until we’re ready to receive it. As we look at the many celebrities like James Fortune who run into calamity under the spotlight, we must be reminded that the greatest desires of our hearts all come with an even greater responsibility. So, instead of being mad with God because He won’t give you what you want, pray and ask yourself: Am I truly ready for this? 

There’s a time and season for everything. As God’s servants, the Lord takes pleasure in our delight. As we live in His will there will naturally be an overflow of blessings that follow. The point that we have to get to is understanding that the blessing is not the question. The real question is…will we be ready?

I do hope that Mr. Fortune remains uplifted during this time. Moreso, I hope that he understands that this blog is not to bash him, but to help others grow from his situation.

Mr. Fortune,

We are all praying for you. We love you. You’ve inspired millions across the world. Thank you for your sacrifice of privacy for the sake of sharing your gift with the world. We can now truly understand and appreciate the depth of what it takes to have your entire life exposed and ready for the world to see. We know you can get through this with God. Our prayers are with you. Stay strong and remember God will never leave you or forsake you. We’re here for you.

We love you,

Jordone

My book, I Believe in God, Now What?, reveals my past battles with alcohol abuse, drug addiction, and rape in an effort to help others find forgiveness, love, and healing in Christ. Read more about my book here.  

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Jordone

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